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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22926028">all the way to the graveyard</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/brunettereader/pseuds/brunettereader'>brunettereader</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Voltron: Legendary Defender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Gang World, Alternate Universe - Mob, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bottom Keith (Voltron), Emotional Porn, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gang Violence, Gun Violence, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Inspired by Romeo and Juliet, M/M, Mafia AU, Minor Character Death, Tender Sex, Top Lance (Voltron), ahhhh maybe that covers it? i promise to add more tags as I go, all i wanted to do was write some train metaphors and now i have a whole au on my hands, among other things, and some violence, galra vs. altea, if you know we can say fluff is there with a touch of impending doom, isn't there a tag for that, mafia, man i hate tagging this stuff, oh i should probably tag that, people die, sorry in advance, there are guns and knives, there will be porn eventually</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:29:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,480</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22926028</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/brunettereader/pseuds/brunettereader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There once were two mercenaries. </p><p>For years, these two never crossed paths. Their fates were never braided together, their destinies two parallel lines running side-by-side.</p><p>That all changed on a dark night in the depths of the city.</p><p>In a fleeting moment, their lives became forever knotted together.</p><p>---</p><p>Or the story of how Keith and Lance—two mercenaries—fell in love despite the odds.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Keith/Lance (Voltron)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>133</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>300</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>You ever come up with a story and think, "Oh, this will be a short drabble," and then, you blink, and you suddenly have a huge AU on your hands? Yeah...</p><p>Special shoutouts to my betas, my mafia boys committee: Blue, Nat, Rae, Rango, Lu, Sandy, and Stef. Whether it was giving me an extensive rundown of guns or leaving comments that made me smile or just letting me talk through ideas, I could not do this without you.</p><p>Title comes from the song "Graveyard" by Halsey.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>
<em>Two households, both alike in dignity</em><br/><em>In fair Verona, where we lay our scene</em>.<br/><em>From ancient grudge break to new mutiny</em>,<br/><em>Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean</em>.</h3><h5>- William Shakespeare, <em>Romeo and Juliet</em> 1.Prologue.1-4</h5><p> </p><p>There once were two mercenaries. </p><p>In the backstreets of the downtown district, one must be careful not to cross the Altean gang and even more careful to avoid bullets. </p><p>You see, new recruits of the Altean gang were often warned to steer clear of the deadly Lance McClain. Fiercely loyal with a family to protect and a wicked grin, the Altean's preferred hitman was sure of hand and even surer of eye. He could see an enemy in the dark, in the rain, in the dead of night, and put a bullet right between your eyes before you could blink.</p><p>They called him Sharpshooter.</p><p>A few blocks and streets over, in the factory district, the bloodthirsty Galra had staked their claim and protected it with the sharpness of a blade.</p><p>New recruits often overlooked the lethal Keith Kogane, but they only made that mistake once. A loner with a debt to pay and watchful eyes, the Galra's preferred mercenary was quick with a knife and quicker to melt into the shadows. He could find an enemy in the dark, in the rain, in the dead of night, and slit your throat open before you could call for help.</p><p>They called him Samurai. </p><p>Rival gangs. Competing mercenaries. </p><p>For years, these two never crossed paths. Their fates were never braided together, their destinies two parallel lines running side-by-side.</p><p>That all changed on a dark night in the depths of the city.</p><p>In a fleeting moment, their lives became forever knotted together.</p><p>Some may say these two are star-crossed.</p><p>They aren't. </p><p>They're a car crash, waiting to happen. </p><p>They're a train, running out of track.</p><p>They're destined to burn.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Aaaaaand here we go! Thanks for reading! If you liked it, please comment, recommend it to your friends, give me a kudos, something to let me know you enjoyed it. Your notes fuel me. :D</p><p>I'll be updating on AO3 on Tuesday, 3 March.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. chapter 1: a chance encounter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>He's almost reached his car when a hand reaches out of the shadows and jerks Iverson back.</p><p>"What the fuck," Lance growls as he hears Iverson shout before a hand reaches up and covers the councilman's mouth.</p><p>Lance starts to move towards the councilman when he catches a flash of silver.</p><p>In the blink of an eye, Lance watches as Martin Iverson's throat goes from intact to gushing blood.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>
<em>                           I wanted to be wanted and he was</em><br/><em>very beautiful, kissed with his eyes closed, and only felt good while moving.</em><br/><em>             You could drown in those eyes, I said,</em><br/><em>                           so it's summer, so it's suicide,</em><br/><em>so we're helpless in sleep and struggling at the bottom of the pool.</em>
</h3><h5>- Richard Siken, <em>Little Beast</em> 4.14-18</h5><p> </p><p>Lance really got the short end of the stick with this fucking job.</p><p>Three blocks over, Allura and Pidge are breaking into the office of Martin Iverson, the City Councilman who is currently trying to rezone the districts. They're leaving him a little… <em> gift </em> to encourage him to sign the bill. Money from the shipping district will wind up in Altean pockets and not with Galra scum.</p><p>While Lance is stuck <em> here</em>.</p><p>Tailing the motherfucker all. damn. night.</p><p>He's followed Iverson through a fancy dinner with his secretary/girlfriend while his wife is at home with their kids. Then, he tailed them to a nearby hotel where Lance is sure they got "dessert" after dinner. And now, he's staked outside of the secretary's swank downtown apartment complex while they say goodbye.</p><p>What a fucking waste of time.</p><p>He sits, perched in a normal spot for him—a rooftop across the way. Means he's got a perfect vantage sight into the girlfriend's apartment, but he can't be seen. His precious Thompson/Center Contender is locked and loaded as he uses the scope to follow the councilman's movements, though he doubts he'll need to take a shot.</p><p>Lance is so ready to be done with this. He's an assassin, for crying out loud, not a fucking <em> watchdog</em>. And not only is he the Altean gang's <em> preferred </em> hitman, but he's one of the high-ranking members, too. Years ago, he'd made friends with Allura Altea, daughter of Alfor Altea, and now he reports directly to her.</p><p>He should be the one leaving mangled fingers in Iverson's office. Not watching Iverson's fingers roam all over his secretary's breasts.</p><p>He sighs loudly as a text comes through, his phone vibrating against his thigh. He digs it out of his pocket as he watches the secretary kiss Iverson again. He peeks a glance at his phone to see what the message says.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> Gremlin [01:04] &gt;&gt; Almost done here. Iverson still fucking his side-piece? </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Pidge. He holds his thumb on the fingerprint scanner to unlock it before typing out a reply.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> Lance [01:04] &gt;&gt; Dropping her off now. Guess he'll go home now. Am I done? </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Gremlin [01:05] &gt;&gt; The Princess wants you to follow him home and then head back. </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Lance [01:05] &gt;&gt; Copy that. Sharpshooter out. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>He slips his phone back in his pocket and looks up just as the secretary walks Iverson to the door. About fucking time.</p><p>Lance grabs his gun and runs across the roof, reaching the fire escape and quickly but quietly descending. When he gets to the bottom, he takes a sharp turn towards his car and stows his rifle before sneaking to the edge of the alleyway, keeping his eyes locked on the deactivated emergency exit door of the apartment building, knowing Iverson will sneak out the back. Less people who will see him leaving a place that isn't his office or home at one in the morning.</p><p>A minute later, Iverson pushes the door open, pausing briefly to check that it's clear.</p><p>Lance knows it is.</p><p>Well.</p><p>Clear… Except for him.</p><p>With that thought, he smirks as the door shuts behind the councilman. He watches as Iverson makes his way to the end of the alley, towards his parked town car.</p><p>He's almost reached his car when a hand reaches out of the shadows and jerks Iverson back.</p><p>"<em>What the fuck</em>," Lance growls as he hears Iverson shout before a hand reaches up and covers the councilman's mouth.</p><p>Lance starts to move towards the councilman when he catches a flash of silver.</p><p>In the blink of an eye, Lance watches as Martin Iverson's throat goes from intact to gushing blood.</p><p>Despite the confusion Lance feels, he jumps into action fast. He sprints across the street and scans his surroundings quickly. He sees no one in the shadows, and his gut is telling him the culprit isn't here anymore. Lance runs to the councilman.</p><p>A quick check of his pulse shows it's weak. He's not dead yet, but he will be soon.</p><p>And there's nothing Lance can do about it.</p><p>"<em>Fuck</em>," he whispers, pissed and confused. He hears the side door creak, and he knows someone is about to come outside.</p><p>He slides into the shadows and climbs the first ladder he can find just as he hears some poor sap in the building come out.</p><p>"Is that… Councilman Iverson?" someone asks.</p><p>"Shit. Call 911, <em> right now</em>," someone else replies.</p><p><em> Good luck with that</em>, Lance thinks from his perch on the roof above.</p><p>He scans the surrounding buildings with a frown, trying to put together what he just witnessed.</p><p>"Had to have been someone from Galra side," he muses. He runs across the rooftop, peering in the back alley to see if he spots any familiar cars.</p><p>And <em> there</em>. A nondescript motorcycle with a flash of deep purple on the wheels.</p><p>Definitely a Galra ride.</p><p>He finds another fire escape and scales down it. Once in the alley, he looks for a place to hide. The bike is parked right next to a dumpster, so Lance runs over, ducking behind it and crouching down. Once he's settled, he unholsters his 9MM handgun, ready for a fight.</p><p>If they're going to fuck up Lance's job, he's going to fuck <em> them </em> up.</p><p>He only has to wait a minute or so before he hears the telltale sign of boots in gravel. From his spot behind the dumpster, he watches a man his age come around the corner, checking his surroundings.</p><p><em> He thinks he got away</em>, Lance realizes.</p><p><em> But he's got another thing coming</em>.</p><p>Lance watches as the Galra member turns one more time, his back just slightly turned away from Lance…</p><p>Time to toy with this fucker for a bit. From his spot behind the dumpster, he lines up a shot <em> just </em> shy of the guy's temple.</p><p>And then, he pulls the trigger.</p><p>The man turns, and then, just as Lance planned…</p><p>The bullet grazes his cheek.</p><p>"Fuck," the guy yells, his hand pressed to his cheek as the blood spills.</p><p>And Lance <em> attacks</em>.</p><p>He sprints from behind the dumpster and runs at the Galra member, who turns around, shocked for just a second.</p><p>Which is all the time Lance needs to tackle his ass into the gravel.</p><p>In a split second, he pins him to the ground with his face digging into rocks and Lance's knee digging into his spine. He jams his gun into the guy's skull.</p><p>"That was my fucking mark, you asshole," he growls as he digs the gun harder into the guy's dark hair.</p><p>The man below him scoffs. "You don't know who you're fucking with," the guy replies.</p><p>"Shut the fuck up," Lance says. "<em>You </em> don't know who <em> you're </em> fucking with. I'm fucking Lance McClain, and let me tell you, I don't miss when I pull the trigger."</p><p>The guy laughs again. "What was that shit you just pulled then? You hit my cheek, dumbass."</p><p>Lance chuckles, a cruel and vicious sound. "That was where I was <em> aiming</em>."</p><p>"You think you're hot shit?" the guy says. "I'm just following orders, dipshit. Get off me, you Altean scum."</p><p><em> Whatever</em>, Lance thinks. He's done with this motherfucker. His night is about to become hell because of this asshole, so he's going to at least get some payback. And then… </p><p>The man shifts, craning his neck… </p><p>And then, just for a second… </p><p>Indigo eyes pin him down.</p><p><em> Oh</em>.</p><p>
  <span>★　　°　　°*　°·　　　·　　　　　　　　✵　　　　　</span>
  
</p><p><em> What a moron</em>, Keith thinks as he watches this fucking <em> Lance McClain </em> lose all the edge in his face.</p><p>He must have seen something in Keith's face that scared the shit out of him.</p><p>So much for not missing a shot.</p><p>Keith rams his elbow up, hitting the fucker in the ribs. Sure enough, Lance folds. Maybe a few cracks will teach him not to let his guard down.</p><p>In a second, Keith twists his hips and shoves up, turning his body to face Lance and using his body weight to turn the tables, push him back against the gravel. He knocks the gun out of his hand, sends it skidding across the alley. Now that he's defenseless, Keith whips out his knife, still stained with the blood of Iverson.</p><p>He digs the point into Lance's neck, pushing <em> just </em> hard enough to draw blood.</p><p>"Listen here, <em> Lance McClain</em>," Keith says. "You may be tough shit with those Altean assholes, but you don't know a damn thing about me <em> or </em> the Galra. We will cut you into pieces before you can even blink, and when we have a mark, <em> we don't. fucking. miss</em>." He spits that last part into Lance's face.</p><p>And just as Keith is about to dig in, spill Lance's blood on the ground… </p><p>He tilts his head back… </p><p>And then, just for a second… </p><p>A wicked smirk pins him down.</p><p><em> Oh</em>.</p><h5>
  <em>Neither knows this, but they just fell in love.</em>
</h5><p>In the second of weakness Keith displays, Lance pushes him and knocks the knife out of his hand as he grapples for purchase.</p><p>"Get off me," Keith growls as he kicks, aiming for Lance's dick.</p><p>"Only if you let my fucking wrist go," Lance replies as he digs a knee into Keith's hip.</p><p>They fight for a second, trading punches and blows, ready to fight to the death when suddenly…</p><p>A siren breaks through their grunts and curses.</p><p>"Fuck, that's the cops," Keith says.</p><p>Lance narrows his eyes at him. "Truce?" he asks.</p><p>Keith has Lance's ankle trapped between his legs, one twist of his hips away from breaking it, but Lance has his entire body weight on Keith's left elbow, one push away from shattering it.</p><p>In a moment of stupidity or survival (he's not sure which), he nods. They roll away from each other and scramble for weapons that have slid away from them.</p><p>A flash of blue screams past them.</p><p>And in the passing neon, the two meet eyes.</p><p>The moment freezes, stretching and ebbing between them. <em> Endless</em>.</p><p>Keith's stomach drops.</p><p>Lance blinks.</p><p>And then, another set of sirens pass by the alley.</p><p>And the moment is over.</p><p>Keith runs to his bike, hopping on and kicking up the stand. He looks behind him, expecting to see Lance.</p><p>But he's already disappeared into the night.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! If you liked it, please comment, recommend it to your friends, give me a kudos, something to let me know you enjoyed it. Your notes fuel me. :D</p><p>I'll be updating on AO3 on Friday, 13 March.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. chapter 2: the hunter & the prey</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"I'm waiting," Lance says.<br/><br/>"For what?" the man asks.<br/><br/>Lance just smiles. "You'll know soon enough."<br/><br/>The man smiles then—a small, quiet thing—but he smiles.<br/><br/>Lance's heart races.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ahhhhhhh sorry for the late update! The Corona Virus/COVID-19 tipped my world over at the end of last week. I'm now working from home, which means more time to write!</p><p>As always, check out my Instagram, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/brunette_reader20/">@brunette_reader20</a>! I'm posting this story there first, so if you're missing updates, check there first!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>
<em>And then my soul saw you and it kind of went</em><em><br/></em><em>“Oh there you are. I've been looking for you.”</em>
</h3><h5>- Iain S. Thomas, <em>The Point of Contact</em>
</h5><p> </p><p>"What do you mean Iverson is dead?" Alfor asks, cool and collected. Alfor is turned with his back to Lance, standing over a roaring fireplace.</p><p>If Lance wasn't already sweating from the heat of the room, he would be at Alfor's tone. As it is, the mob boss' stuffy office is so hot that Lance feels like he's going to suffocate from his place opposite Alfor's giant mahogany desk.</p><p>"The Galra got to him as I was tailing him out of the apartment complex," Lance states as clearly as possible.</p><p>"And you didn't see this Galra member <em> before </em> they slit Iverson's neck open?" Allura asks. </p><p>Unlike her father, she meets Lance's eyes from where she is propped against the window that overlooks the entertainment district on 9th street. In a way, she's kinder than her father, but Lance has seen otherwise from her. He worries he may see that side before the night is over.</p><p>"No," he replies. "I didn't. The guy, he practically melted into the shadows after he killed Iverson."</p><p>"Interesting," Alfor says, turning finally to meet Lance's gaze. "Interesting that you know it was a man."</p><p>Lance swallows.</p><p>"It's also interesting," Alfor continues, "That you know it was Galra when you say you never saw this mysterious killer."</p><p>As Alfor continues his musings, he walks around the desk, stepping closer and closer to Lance.</p><p>"You wouldn't happen to be withholding information, would you, Mr. McClain?" Alfor asks.</p><p>Lance tries desperately not to think of the other hitman.</p><h5>
  <em>A flash of silver in the shadows.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>"You don't know who you're fucking with."</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Indigo eyes.</em>
</h5><p>"No, sir," he answers, and he prays it's enough.</p><p>Alfor stares him down, and Lance holds his gaze, trying to convey honesty when it isn't there.</p><p>"Father," Allura says, breaking the tension building between the two men and saving Lance's skin in the process. Alfor turns to face Allura, who continues once she has everyone's full attention. "We've known the Galra had their eyes on Iverson for some time now. It's merely a coincidence that they killed him on the night we planted the warning. We need to discuss a plan for moving forward."</p><p>Alfor nods and walks back to his plush leather chair. "You are correct, Allura," he says. "If you don't mind, will you walk Mr. McClain out for the night? We can continue this conversation tomorrow."</p><p>"Yes, Father," she replies, pushing off of the window and coming to take Lance's elbow, guiding him out of the office.</p><p>Neither says anything until they're out of the Altea mansion, out of Alfor's earshot. But once they're in the garden outside, Allura lets Lance have it.</p><p>"What the hell were you thinking, Lance?" she asks as they finally step out of the house into the cool night air. "You saw him, didn't you?"</p><p>Lance bites his lip. "Maybe," he replies, looking down at his shoes. He can't meet her eyes.</p><p>"And why didn't you kill him?" she asks as she attempts to stare a hole through Lance's head.</p><p>"I had him pinned, 'Lura," he says, finally looking up. "But then the cops showed up, and I figured it was better to scram than to get caught."</p><p>Allura sighs then, sounding every bit like a girl forced to grow up too fast. She stares off into the night, and Lance eyes her carefully. Ever since her mother was murdered by the Galra when they were teens, Allura has been Alfor's right hand. She works tirelessly to keep the Alteans safe, safe from the Galra who want nothing more than to tear them to the ground. And Lance… Well, he isn't doing her any favors by letting the Galra hitman go.</p><p>"Don't let this happen again," she says finally.</p><p>"I won't," Lance replies, stepping into her space.</p><p>"If you see him again, you need to kill him," she continues.</p><p>"I will," he replies before putting his hands on her shoulders. He draws her in for a hug, and after a little resistance, she gives in and hugs him back. There is a familiarity in this that only comes from years of friendship, and it's something they both need every now and then.</p><p>"You gotta think about your family, Lance," she whispers. "They need you."</p><p>Lance's heart sinks, but he knows she's right. </p><p>"I promise, Allura. It won't happen again."</p><p>The next time he sees the Galra hitman, he has to kill him.</p><p>　　*　　°　　✯　　　　✸　•　　•　　　°　　　　*　　</p><p>Lance is asking for trouble.</p><p>Honestly.</p><p>He knows this, he really does, but he somehow finds himself ducking down alleyways for a glimpse of… <em> whatever </em> he saw that night.</p><h5>
  <em>Indigo eyes full of fire, despite a gun pressed to his temple.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>A breath of passion in the dimness.</em>
</h5><p>Which would explain why he is <em> there</em>.</p><p>Perched on a rooftop.</p><p>Across from Marmora, the garage where all Galra vehicles go for service.</p><h5>
  <em>That night, he corners the man as he climbs on his bike.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>"What do you want," he asks or barks or questions.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Lance pulls out his gun, finger poised over the trigger, ready to fire a cap into his head.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>And Lance notices…</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>The full sweep of his eyelashes.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>And he leaves, sure that this is going to end in flames.</em>
</h5><p>Which would explain why he is <em> there</em>.</p><p>Hidden in an alleyway.</p><p>Waiting for the man to walk by as he's leaving a bar.</p><p>That night, he comes up behind Lance and taps him on the shoulder.</p><h5>
  <em>"You're a really shitty tail, you know that?" he states or whispers or laughs.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Lance could have four shots fired between his eyes before he even knew what happened.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Instead, he sees…</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>The deep black of his hair.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>And he walks away, unsure if he wanted to kill him or kiss him.</em>
</h5><p>Which would explain why he is here.</p><p>On the same rooftop he was on all those weeks ago.</p><p>When he first met the Galra hitman.</p><p>Lance can no longer tell who is the hunter and who is the prey, and Lance really doesn't care which he is.</p><p>He's spent countless mornings, staring out over the city and trying not to name the feelings he has for the Galra hitman. Instead, he lists off what he doesn't like.He's Galra.</p><p> - He's a loner.<br/> - He never smiles.<br/> - He's Galra.<br/> - He uses knives, which are so useless.<br/> - He's <em> Galra</em>.</p><p>But then he thinks about that moment, in the dark of the night. How sure he was that he felt something for the Galra hitman, despite the fact that he should have scared. </p><p>He thinks of the Galra hitman's eyes, deep indigo and somehow full of fire.</p><p>He wants those eyes on him.</p><p>It's chaos.</p><p>It's <em> betrayal</em>.</p><p>But maybe, the other man feels this too. This fire between them, this desperate need to be closer, to touch, to taste, to have, to hold.</p><p>Either they're going to fall off the tracks, or Lance is going to have to kill him.</p><p>And Lance can't do the second option.</p><p>He just can't kill him.</p><p>The fire escape creaks, and Lance turns his head.</p><p>There, climbing through the dark is the Galra hitman.</p><p><em> Lord</em>, Lance thinks.</p><p>His heart thuds in his chest.</p><p>Lance shouldn't be here.</p><h5>
  <em>But he is.</em>
</h5><p>Lance shouldn't want him.</p><h5>
  <em>But he does.</em>
</h5><p>Lance shouldn't be doing this.</p><h5>
  <em>But consequences be damned.</em>
</h5><p>"What are you doing here?" Lance calls as the man approaches his perch.</p><p>The man sits down next to him, places his hands on the railing.</p><p>His fingernails are rounded on his sure hands.</p><p>"I thought I might find you here," the man answers.</p><p>"Well, you found me," Lance replies. "Now, what're you going to do with me?"</p><p>Beside him, the man swallows.</p><p>"I should kill you, you know," he finally says.</p><p>Lance snorts. "But you haven't."</p><p>"But I haven't."</p><p>"Well," Lance starts. "The same could be said for me."</p><p>"Why haven't you killed me?" the man asks.</p><p>Lance pauses, lets the silence wash over him. He knows what he wants to say, but that's not allowed.</p><h5>
  <em>Things like:</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>I want you.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Can I kiss you?</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Come home with me.</em>
</h5><p>Finally, he stands. The man stands, too.</p><p>"I'm waiting," Lance says.</p><p>"For what?" the man asks.</p><p>Lance just smiles. "You'll know soon enough."</p><p>The man smiles then—a small, quiet thing—but he smiles.</p><p>Lance's heart races.</p><p>He turns, starts to pack up his things.</p><p>"I do have one question, though," Lance says, scared to turn, scared to meet the man's eyes. </p><p>"Yeah?" he hears in reply.</p><p>Lance swallows, nerves building. </p><p>"What's your name?"</p><p>And Lance turns…</p><p>But he's already gone.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! If you liked it, please comment, recommend it to your friends, give me a kudos, something to let me know you enjoyed it. Your notes fuel me. :D</p><p>I'll be updating on AO3 on Tuesday, 24 March.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. chapter 3: cat & mouse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Suddenly, Keith knows how to take the leap.<br/><br/>He looks up, blue eyes meeting indigo again. He reaches forward and places his hand on Lance's elbow.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>
<em>All I've ever known is how to hold my own</em><em><br/></em><em>But now I wanna hold you</em><em><br/></em><em>Now I wanna hold you, hold you close</em><em><br/></em><em>I don't wanna ever have to let you go</em><em><br/></em><em>Now I wanna hold you, hold you tight</em><em><br/></em><em>I don't wanna go back to the lonely life</em>
</h3><h5>- Hadestown, <em>All I've Ever Known</em>
</h5><p>"The councilman is dead," Keith says. He tries to hold himself steady, but the rocking of Lotor's boat makes it difficult.</p><p>Lotor looks up from the reports on his desk. "That's good news," he says. "With how long you were gone, I'd worried you'd failed. Again."</p><p>Keith swallows, a trick he uses to keep his emotions in check. Yelling and fighting only make things worse for Keith.</p><p>"Had to avoid the cops, Sir," he replies.</p><p>"Ah, so you <em> did </em> mess up," Lotor says. He looks back down at his reports and continues to make notes. "That's disappointing, Kogane. I thought you would know better by now."</p><p>Keith looks away, out into the ocean. He watches the waves build before crashing onto the shore, and he imagines his anger washing away with them.</p><p>"The councilman is still dead, Sir," he finally says, surprising himself when he doesn't have to grit his teeth.</p><p>"I suppose you are correct," Lotor muses as he flips to another report. He starts making notes on that sheet before continuing. "Did Altea give you any trouble?"</p><p>Keith blinks a few times to erase the images of Lance McClain from his mind.</p><h5>
  <em>"Truce?"</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Flashes of… something in the glow of police lights.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>A wicked smirk, so bright in the dark.</em>
</h5><p>"I saw someone with a rifle," he answers, calm and unbothered.</p><p>At this, Lotor looks up again. He even puts down his pen. "A rifle, you say?" Lotor asks.</p><p>"Yes, a Center Contender. He also had a 9 mill," Keith clarifies.</p><p>Lotor muses before pushing his chair back and propping his folded hands on his chest. "Sounds like you ran into their Sharpshooter."</p><p>"He was trailing the councilman most of the night until… he wasn't," Keith says.</p><p>"And you never ran into him?" Lotor asks, quirking one eyebrow up.</p><p>Keith does not swallow, though he desperately needs to do so.</p><p>"No, Sir," he says. His voice sounds steady, but his heart feels like it is anything but.</p><p>Lotor watches Keith carefully, and he wills himself to stay still, to not fidget, to not give himself away. </p><p>"I'm disappointed in you, Kogane," Lotor finally says. "You had to elude the cops <em> and </em> the Altean Sharpshooter. That's not very indicative of someone who wants to one day be free of gang life."</p><p>And just like that, Keith's heart plummets in his chest.</p><p>"We'll have to add this as another botched kill," Lotor continues.</p><p>And Keith knew it was coming, but it didn't make it hurt any less.</p><p>"Yes, Sir," he replies, sounding a lot less dejected than he feels.</p><p>"Maybe," Lotor says as he returns to his paperwork, "If you manage to see their Sharpshooter again, we can revisit your debt."</p><p>Keith nods once before turning away, ready to get off the swaying ship. He knows what he needs to do.</p><p>The next time he sees Lance McClain, he has to kill him.</p><p>
  <span>　　°✸　.　　✵　✶★*　　　　.　·　✷　·　　°　•　</span>
</p><p>Keith is a certifiable idiot.</p><p>Honestly.</p><p>He knows this, he really does, but he somehow finds himself racing across rooftops for a glimpse of… <em> whatever </em> he saw that night.</p><h5>
  <em>A blinding grin, despite the knife piercing skin.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>A breath of light in the darkness.</em>
</h5><p>Which would explain why he is <em> there</em>.</p><h5>
  <em>Hiding in an alleyway.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Doors down from the <em> teludav </em>, the bar known for Altean gang business.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>That night, he pins Lance in the alleyway.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>"Hey, Hotshot," Lance whispers or growls or murmurs. </em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Keith draws his knife, digs the point into the tender part of Lance's wrist.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>And Keith notices…</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>The slight curl to Lance's brown hair.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>And he runs, scared of the feeling bubbling up in his chest.</em>
</h5><p>Which would explain why he is <em> there</em>.</p><h5>
  <em>Hiding on a rooftop.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Tailing Lance when he should be following the mayor.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>That night, Lance sees him coming down the fire escape.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>"You've been following me for an hour, you know?" Lance laughs or shouts or exclaims.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Keith could plot ten different ways to kill Lance in under a minute.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Instead, Keith sees…</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>The freckles dotting the tan skin of Lance’s cheeks.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>And he flees, surer than ever that what he feels is… attraction</em>
</h5><p>Which would explain why he is <em> here</em>.</p><p>Waiting beside a car.</p><p>Lance's car to be exact.</p><p>Which is parked across from an apartment complex, where Lance is likely working a job.</p><p>So yes, he's stuck in this cat and mouse game with a fucking <em> Altean </em> elitist. </p><p>He's spent sleepless nights, picking apart and analyzing his feelings about the Altean hitman. In his head, he lists off the negative traits about this man:</p><p> - He's Altean.<br/> - He's cocky.<br/> - He thinks he's funny, but Keith never laughs.<br/> - He's Altean.<br/> - He uses <em> guns</em>, which are so violent.<br/> - He's <em> Altean</em>.</p><p>But then he thinks about that moment, in the alleyway. How hard his heart was beating and how he desperately feared he was done for.</p><p>He thinks of Lance's smile, his white teeth and curved lips.</p><p>He wants to know how Lance tastes.</p><p>It's dangerous.</p><p>It's <em> suicide</em>.</p><p>But he's finally decided he can't run from this anymore. Either they're going to erupt into flames, or Keith is going to have to kill him.</p><p>And Keith doesn't like the second option.</p><p>He just can't kill him.</p><p>A rustle echoes down the street, and Keith looks up.</p><p>There, cutting through the night is Lance McClain.</p><p><em> God, </em>Keith thinks.</p><p>His chest aches.</p><p>Keith shouldn't be here.</p><h5>
  <em>But he is.</em>
</h5><p>Keith shouldn't think he's beautiful.</p><h5>
  <em>But he does.</em>
</h5><p>Keith shouldn't be doing this.</p><h5>
  <em>But consequences be damned.</em>
</h5><p>"Hey," he calls when Lance is close enough.</p><p>Lance's smirk cuts through the night. "Hey, Hotshot," he replies. "What're you doing here?"</p><p>Keith scoffs in return. "Oh, you know, I was just in the neighborhood," he answers.</p><p>"Sure," Lance replies, all casual as he walks up next to Keith. He heads toward the trunk, pops it, and starts pulling guns out of holsters and throwing them inside.</p><p>"Going to let your guard down, I see," Keith says, all casual.</p><p>Deep blue eyes meet Keith's.</p><p><em> I didn't know eyes could be that blue</em>, he thinks.</p><p>"Look, man, if we were going to kill each other, we would have done that weeks ago with Iverson's blood on our hands," Lance says. He slams the trunk closed. "Now, we're just dancing around each other."</p><p><em> He feels it too, </em> Keith thinks.</p><p>But instead of acknowledging that, he nods before casting his eyes to the ground. He can't look at him. Not when they're both feeling… <em> whatever </em> this is.</p><p>The silence bears down on them, suffocating them. They both know what making this decision means, but neither will take the first leap.</p><p>It's chaos.</p><p>It's <em> betrayal</em>.</p><p>It's dangerous.</p><p>It's <em> suicide</em>.</p><p>But maybe… </p><p>Maybe, Lance made the first leap, all those weeks ago.</p><p>When he called a truce with a rival gang member.</p><p>When he smiled at Keith.</p><p>When he gave Keith his name.</p><p>Maybe, he's just been waiting for Keith to catch up.</p><h5>
  <em>But didn't he know that Keith was already there?</em>
</h5><p>Suddenly, Keith knows how to take the leap.</p><p>He looks up, blue eyes meeting indigo again. He reaches forward and places his hand on Lance's elbow.</p><p>"Keith," he says. "My name is Keith Kogane."</p><p>And <em> there</em>, there is the smile Keith has grown to adore.</p><p>"Nice to meet you, Keith Kogane," Lance replies.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! If you liked it, please comment, recommend it to your friends, give me a kudos, something to let me know you enjoyed it. Your notes fuel me. :D</p><p>I'll be updating on AO3 on Tuesday, 7 April.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. chapter 4: with his kiss, the riot starts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>And, like a livewire hitting water, Lance <i>knows</i>.</p><p>
  <i>He feels the same way.</i>
</p><p>In a moment of stupidity or survival, Lance surges forward.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>
<em>And if you need a light</em><br/><em>I'll be the match to your candle</em><br/><em>My darling, I'm ready, to burst into flames for you</em>
</h3><h5>- Vance Joy, <em>I</em>’<em>m With You</em>
</h5><p> </p><p>The crash is inevitable.</p><p>After days of seeking each other out… </p><p>After weeks of questioning if they should do it… </p><p>After months of dancing around what they could have… </p><h5>
  <em>The fire starts.</em>
</h5><p>　　✸　　　　*　　　•　　　*　·　·°•°*　　　　　　</p><p>Lance is weak.</p><p>He's known this since the moment Keith Kogane crashed into his life.</p><p>He tried to fight it. He tried to think of his ties to the Alteans, to his family, to his very life. He tried to think of anything else.</p><p>But, at night, Lance could only see… </p><p>Violet eyes.</p><p>Sure hands.</p><p>Dark hair.</p><p>A shy smile.</p><p>Everytime he closed his eyes, he saw Keith in his mind's eye, and he found himself drowning in his desire.</p><p>He wanted more. He wanted… </p><p><em> Keith</em>.</p><p>Like a man in a desert seeing a mirage when he is desperate for water, the Galra hitman appears before Lance's eyes, just as he is exiting the <em> teludav </em> through the back door.</p><p>But, Keith… </p><p>Keith is <em> real</em>.</p><p>He's hidden in the shadows, but Lance has grown accustomed to peering into the dark to search for him. Lance knows he's there.</p><p>Keith is leaning against the brick wall of the club and gazing at the sky. To any passerby, he would look like he is unaware of his surroundings. But Lance knows. He's waiting. He's waiting for Lance.</p><p>And Lance… </p><p>He can't take it anymore.</p><p>"Keith," he whispers, desperate for those indigo eyes to be on him.</p><p>The man in question drops his eyes from the sky to meet Lance's gaze, and finally, Keith is looking at him.</p><p>Only him.</p><p>The night is dark. No moon illuminates the sky. The only witnesses to their encounter are the stars, shining brightly above them even though, lightyears away, they are nothing more than extinguished gas.</p><p>"You're going to get killed," Lance says as he walks closer to Keith, deeper into the dark of the alleyway. "You should be more careful."</p><p>"I'm always careful," Keith replies as Lance finally reaches him. Almost absent-mindedly, Keith stretches his hand out, takes Lance's in his own.</p><h5>
  <em>Their hands, so soiled with the blood of their crimes, have never been more gentle.</em>
</h5><p>"What are you doing here?" Lance asks as their fingers interlace and twine together.</p><p>Keith shrugs. "I wanted to see you," he says. "It's… been a few days."</p><p>Lance nods. He knows. He understands.</p><p>This… <em> attraction </em> that's growing between them can't stop the brutality of war.</p><p>"It's been three days," Lance corrects.</p><p>"Three days and eleven hours," Keith replies.</p><p>And, like a livewire hitting water, Lance <em> knows</em>.</p><p><em> He feels the same way</em>.</p><p>In a moment of stupidity or survival, Lance surges forward.</p><p>Brings both hands up to cup Keith's jaw.</p><p>Tilts Keith's head back.</p><p>And leans forward, pressing his lips to Keith's.</p><p>In a dirty alleyway on Altean territory, Lance McClain kisses Keith Kogane for the first time.</p><p>✸　·　　　　　　　　　　✵　　　　　　　　　✧　　★·*　</p><h5>
  <em>One might have expected the first kiss of two mercenaries of two rival gangs to be wild.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Dirty.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Possessive.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>And this one is.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>But, much like the hearts of these two, it morphs into something sweeter…</em>
</h5><p>Lance kisses Keith like a wild animal, starving for food and affection.</p><p>And Keith, Keith lets the hunger swallow him.</p><p>He's wanted Lance for so long. Wanted to be closer, to touch, to taste, to have, to hold.</p><p>And now, he finally gets to do just that.</p><p>He clings to Lance's jacket as their tongues tangle together, runs his along Lance's teeth. Lance licks into his mouth before pushing Keith's back against the brick wall. Keith brings a leg up and hooks it behind Lance's thighs, and then he reaches up, presses his fingers into the pulse of Lance's neck. Lance's hands find their way into his hair, pulling and twisting.</p><p>It's hungry.</p><p>And desperate.</p><p>And then… </p><p>It isn't.</p><p>Lance's grip on his hair loosens. Keith moves his hand from Lance's neck to his cheek. Their tongues slide out of each other's mouths.</p><p>Lance breaks the kiss first, moving to Keith's jaw where he presses a kiss and then a secret, in quiet succession. "I've thought about this for ages," he whispers.</p><p>Keith noses along Lance's face until their lips meet again, soft and slow. "Thought about what?" he asks when they break away.</p><p>"What it'd be like to kiss you," Lance replies, before tucking a piece of hair behind Keith's ear. Keith leans his hand against Lance's palm, letting himself indulge in Lance's gentle touches.</p><p>Keith feels a blush heat his skin. "Yeah?" he asks. "Does it live up to your expectations?"</p><p>Lance finally pulls away, giving Keith a chance to catch his breath as Lance thumbs across his cheek. "No," Lance says.</p><p>Keith feels his heart sink in his chest. "Oh," he whispers as he tries to move back, move away.</p><p>But Lance doesn't let him. Instead, he kisses him again before breaking away. "It's better than I could have ever imagined," Lance says, sure and steady.</p><p>Keith surges forward again, needing Lance's lips on his like a drowning man needs air.</p><p>Lance meets him, over and over again, before moving to press soft kisses to Keith's cheeks, his eyebrows, his nose, his forehead.</p><p>As he showers Keith in kisses, he whispers, "Come home with me."</p><p>Keith bumps his forehead against Lance's chin before slotting his face into Lance's neck. "I can’t," he replies as he kisses Lance's jawline. "I <em> can't</em>, Lance."</p><p>His words say one thing, but his actions say another. </p><p>"They’ll find us and kill us both," Keith says against Lance's pulse, desperate and needy.</p><p>Lance brings one careful finger up to Keith's chin and tilts Keith's face to meet his gaze. He opens his mouth to say something, but they both surge forward for another kiss.</p><h5>
  <em>Just one more, they both think.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Neither knows this, but they'll never be able to stop at just one.</em>
</h5><p>"I don't care," Lance finally says once he breaks away. "I don't care. I just…" </p><p>He trails off, so Keith looks up. Blue, blue eyes meet violent indigo.</p><p>"You just what?" he asks, even though he knows what Lance needs because he needs it too.</p><h5>
  <em>To be closer, to touch, to taste, to have, to hold… </em>
</h5><p>Lance swallows, and Keith braces himself against the storm of blue eyes.</p><p>"I need you to come home with me. I need to know it's real."</p><p>It would have hurt less if Lance had put a bullet through his chest. </p><p>"Oh, <em> Lance</em>," Keith whispers. He wants nothing more than to tuck Lance against his chest, wants nothing more than to hide Lance in his heart where no one can hurt him, where he is always safe and warm and <em> loved</em>.</p><p>"I've dreamt about this for so long," Lance finally says, and Keith knows, too. "I just need to know this is real, that <em> we're </em> real."</p><p>And who is Keith to deny him? He too has dreamt about Lance—over him, under him, inside him, holding him, caring for him, <em> loving </em> him.</p><p>He can't deny either of them a moment of tenderness.</p><p>"Okay," he finally says. "Okay, Lance."</p><p>Above them, the stars twinkle as they share another kiss.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! If you liked it, please comment, recommend it to your friends, give me a kudos, something to let me know you enjoyed it. Your notes fuel me. :D</p><p>I'll be updating on AO3 on Tuesday, 14 April, and my AO3 readers are in for a treat. ;)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. chapter 5: a taste of ambrosia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Keith," he begs. "Tell me this is real. Tell me <i>we're</i> real."</p><p>"We're real," Keith replies, steady and sure.</p><p>"Then, kiss me," Lance says. "Kiss me so I know you're real."</p><p>And Keith… </p><p>Keith does just that.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello, hello! I bring this update a day early, but my AO3 readers get an extended version of this chapter. You may also notice an update in the rating and tags. Enjoy, my dears!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>
<em>and this is the map of my heart, the landscape</em><em><br/></em><em>after cruelty which is, of course, a garden, which is</em><em><br/></em><em>a tenderness, which is a room, a lover saying </em>Hold me<br/>tight, it's getting cold<em>. We have not touched the stars,</em><em><br/></em><em>nor are we forgiven, which brings us back</em><em><br/></em><em>to the hero's shoulders and the gentleness that comes,</em><br/><em>not from the absence of violence, but despite</em><br/><em>the abundance of it.</em>
</h3><h4>- Richard Siken, <em>Snow and Dirty Rain</em> 16-23</h4><p> </p><p>They use alleyways, rooftops, and shadows—all familiar friends to the two mercenaries—to reach Lance's downtown loft. Just because the embers between them are growing into a wildfire doesn't mean there isn't someone on every corner, waiting to snuff it out.</p><p>When they finally reach Lance's apartment building, Lance takes Keith's hand again and leads him to the back alley.</p><p>They take the fire escape up to Lance's loft for no reason other than sentimentality. Lance opens a window and lets Keith in.</p><p>Inside, Keith finds an airy home. Ceiling to floor windows cover one wall of the open-floor plan loft. There's the front door with a small table where Lance dumps his wallet, keys, and phone. A rather large kitchen with stainless steel appliances and a marble-countertop island. Lance has a light grey sectional in the living area with a flatscreen TV and a game system on a stand across from it. Off of the living room is a spiral staircase, which obviously leads to Lance's bedroom.</p><p>The whole space seems… cold. Not what Keith would have expected out of the bright Lance.</p><p>That is until the floor to ceiling bookshelves on one wall of the living room catch Keith's eye.</p><p>Each shelf is filled to the brim with books and plants and knick-knacks and picture frames. Keith finds himself drawn to the shelves, desperate to know more about the Altean mercenary.</p><p>Among the books, Keith finds the usual suspects: sci-fi, mystery, fantasy, and even some young adult series are cluttered into one section of shelves. Each book has a battered spine, clearly read and loved by Lance. He also finds books he would expect <em> Lance </em> to have: hardcover books on World History and specific novels on the history of guns that are collecting dust.</p><p>But what surprises Keith more than anything are the rows and shelves dedicated to books on art and art history and photography. In fact, the closer Keith looks, the more he finds books on aperture and photo composition and darkroom developing. Lance also has a collection of books from photographers with names Keith vaguely recognizes like Sally Mann and Gordon Parks and Carrie Mae Weems and Robert Mapplethorpe and Annie Leibovitz and even more from people who Keith doesn't know. These books are all clearly loved too, weathered in a way similar to the fiction.</p><p>Lance comes up behind Keith and wraps his long arms around his waist. Keith leans back into his chest, craving his warmth, craving his sure presence. Lance hums as Keith eases into him before pressing a kiss on Keith's neck and mouthing there for a minute.</p><p>"Find anything interesting?" Lance asks.</p><p>"I didn't know you liked photography," Keith says as he reaches out to trace a finger along the spine of what is clearly a textbook on photojournalism.</p><p>Lance laughs against Keith's neck, sending shivers down his spine. He then tilts his head to rest his chin on Keith's shoulder.</p><p>"Yeah, I've loved it ever since I was little," Lance says. "I used to fill up so many disposable cameras when we went on vacation. Of dumb shit, you know? But, when I hit fourteen, my <em> papa </em> gave me an old film camera he'd found in an antique store.</p><p>"After that, I was just hooked. I saved up all my babysitting money to take a class in a real darkroom the summer before high school. It was like magic, watching pictures develop right before my eyes. I kept it up throughout high school, bought a digital camera, even did photography for the school paper. I got a scholarship for college, but…" he trails off.</p><p>Keith turns in his arms, desperate for more, more, <em> more. </em></p><p>"But what?" he asks as he reaches up to trace the freckles on Lance's cheek.</p><p>Lance leans into the touch. "But, then, Rachel got sick. And I joined the mob to help my family make ends meet."</p><p>Keith's heart plummets, and he can tell from Lance's face that his heart is aching all over, too.</p><p><em> It's not fair</em>, he thinks. <em> He's so full of life, and here he is, signing his life away to something that will just chew him up and spit him out</em>.</p><p>He turns again to look at the shelves, inspecting the pictures closer. They are all black and white photographs of people who have the same features as Lance. In one, there is an older woman in a kitchen, laughing at something off camera with her hands covered in flour. In another, there are two boys, wrestling in green grass with big smiles on their faces. By the fiction books, there is an older man, reading the newspaper by a fire with a handmade quilt on his lap. Next to a jar of sand, there is a young girl with short hair, staring out the window of a car with big yellow sunglasses on her face. And finally, there is another young girl with long, wavy hair, curled up in a sun-filled nook with a tangle of yarn in her lap and a pinched expression on her face.</p><p>Keith breaks away from Lance and steps closer to the pictures, picking up the one of the girl with the yarn. "These pictures…" he says. "This is your family."</p><p>He looks up and meets Lance's eyes, who nods sadly.</p><p>"You took all these," Keith continues.</p><p>Lance nods again. "I developed as many as I could in the first month. I had copies of these at home, but they are still there because I had to leave in a hurry." Lance swallows. "I don't want to forget them."</p><p>Keith looks up from the photograph. "You haven't been back?" he asks.</p><p>With a sad smile, Lance says, "No. I… I can't go home. They would never forgive me."</p><p>Somehow, Keith doubts that, but he understands. Lance's family may forgive him, but he can never forgive himself.</p><p><em> What a miserable pair we make</em>, he thinks.</p><p>He carefully, reverently places the photograph back in its rightful spot. He steps closer and wraps his arms around Lance's waist, pulling him in tight for an embrace. Lance squeezes back, hard and crushing.</p><p>And suddenly, Keith understands.</p><h5>
  <em>Lance, filled to the brim with affection that's had nowhere to go.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Keith, craving love in a quiet, unnamed way.</em>
</h5><p>Lance leans down, presses his forehead against Keith's. He swallows once.</p><p>"Keith," he begs. "Tell me this is real. Tell me <em> we're </em> real."</p><p>"We're real," Keith replies, steady and sure.</p><p>"Then, kiss me," Lance says. "Kiss me so I know you're real."</p><p>And Keith… </p><p>Keith does just that.</p><p>He guides Lance to his mouth and kisses him, tender and gentle. He brings his hands up and laces them together behind Lance's neck before pushing Lance back, back, back until his legs hit the edge of the sectional. Lance sits, and Keith follows him, plopping himself down into the other man's lap.</p><p>And that's where they stay for a while, pressed together and exchanging kisses. Keith holds Lance's face in his palms. Lance runs his hands up and down Keith's spine. They become so intertwined that he can't tell where he stops and Lance begins, but it's perfect. Keith would gladly melt in Lance's arms forever.</p><p>Eventually, he can't stop himself from slowly, oh so slowly, grinding on Lance's leg, seeking friction, seeking heat, seeking <em> Lance</em>. And Lance, he lets Keith subtly slide against his thigh for a few minutes before he decides to thrust up. Their growing bulges meet as they move against each other.</p><p>Keith breaks away from their kiss with a moan.</p><p>"Take me," he says as he leans in for another kiss. He presses one, two, three kisses to Lance's swollen lips before he breaks away again. "Take me, Lance."</p><h5>
  <em>Take me, he says.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>It's too early for Keith to say what he really wants.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>"Make love to me," his heart begs.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em> But Lance, he understands… </em>
</h5><p>Lance looks up at Keith, his blue blue eyes hazy but slowly focusing. "Are you sure?" he asks.</p><p>Keith rolls his eyes. "Isn't that why you brought me here in the first place?"</p><p>"It was, but," Lance trails off. "This isn't just a… <em> fling </em> to me, Keith."</p><h5>
  <em>This wasn't meant to hurt Keith, you see.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>This was meant to protect Lance.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>But Keith, he understands… </em>
</h5><p>Keith leans in for another kiss, short and sweet. "I know," he says when he breaks away. "It's not a fling to me either."</p><p>And the uncertainty in Lance's eyes fades away. "Okay," he replies.</p><p>So Keith asks again. "Take me?"</p><p>And Lance… </p><p>Lance nods.</p><p>
  <span>°　　　·　.　　*　　　　　　✵　·°.　　　　　　°　　</span>
</p><p>Despite his racing heart, Lance leads Keith upstairs. He wants to make this moment as perfect as it can be, and that means bringing Keith into his bed. Keith seems to understand because he squeezes Lance's hand as Lance pulls him up the spiral staircase.</p><p>At the top of the stairs, they both kick their shoes off, and Lance turns and kisses Keith again. He doesn't know how he went so long without Keith's taste on his tongue, but he doesn't plan on giving it up again.</p><p>"Lance," Keith moans, pushing himself closer into Lance's space. </p><p>"Shh, shh, I know," he replies. Because he does know. He knows they're both craving closeness, craving intimacy. </p><p>He guides Keith to his bed and carefully lays him down in white sheets before settling between his legs. The room is dark, so Lance reaches to his bedside table and turns the lamp on to a low setting, bathing his bedroom in a warm glow.</p><p>"Is the light okay?" he asks, pausing before he sucks another dark mark on Keith's collarbone.</p><p>Keith nods. "I want to remember every detail of this."</p><p>With that, Lance dives back in and aims for Keith's neck. He sucks a bruise into Keith's pulse, nips at his collarbone, mouths against his jawline. Keith arches into it, gasping and moaning something beautiful as he grasps at Lance's back.</p><p>"I… w-want to see you," Keith moans as Lance finally moves to kiss down Keith's chest.</p><p>Lance nods and sits up, pulling his shirt off. He shucks his pants and socks off too, and suddenly, he finds himself nearly bare.</p><p>Keith stares and stares, captivated. </p><p>"You see something you like?" he asks, shooting for cocky and missing entirely. </p><p>"<em>Lance</em>," Keith whispers. "You're beautiful."</p><p>Lance knows he is covered in scars, ranging from childhood memories, like the marks on his left calf from a particularly nasty jellyfish sting, to recent memories like taking a knife to his shoulder in a rough fight. He hasn't ever felt like anything other than scarred and broken.</p><p>But under Keith's sure gaze, he feels differently.</p><p>He feels… </p><p><em> Beautiful</em>.</p><p>He clears his throat in an attempt to bring himself back to Earth. "Your turn?" he asks.</p><p>Keith nods once before taking off his shirt, jeans, and socks.</p><p>The Galra hitman has just as many scars as Lance, if not more. A bullet wound in his right shoulder, jagged cuts in his abdomen, burn marks on his legs. But it doesn't matter. Keith's ivory skin is breathtaking, and so much of it is on display… for him.</p><p>Lance is… <em> breathless</em>.</p><p>"You're beautiful, too," he says before leaning forward to kiss the blush rising on Keith's cheeks.</p><p>They kiss again, but this time, the heat grows between them. Stray hands sneak across warm bodies. Lance tweaks one of Keith's nipples, making him gasp brokenly. Keith's hand slips into Lance's boxers and palms his ass, causing Lance to stutter to a stop.</p><p>"Okay," he whispers against Keith's neck, panting even though nothing has happened. "How do you want to do this?"</p><p>Because Lance is pressed to Keith's neck, he feels him swallow and tense just slightly.</p><p>"Keith?" he asks before sitting up to meet Keith's eyes.</p><p>For a moment, Keith closes his eyes as if to steel his nerves. Lance immediately mourns the loss of those eyes on him, but he lets Keith collect his thoughts.</p><p>It's then that Lance notices Keith's hands—normally steady and sure—are shaking. In fact, his whole body is trembling like a leaf in a hurricane. </p><p>"Keith?" Lance asks again. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"</p><p>Keith shakes his head once before pressing his head <em> hard </em> against Lance's shoulder.</p><p>"I'm so nervous," Keith whispers into Lance's skin.</p><p>Lance feels his heart trip inside his chest.</p><p>He presses a kiss on the crown on Keith's head. "It's okay," he whispers back. "We don't have to do anything. I'd be happy if you just slept beside me tonight."</p><p>At this, Keith looks up, deep indigo eyes meeting his. He stares at Lance, searching his face, looking for something. Lance just tries to be open and reassuring. </p><p>"You mean that, don't you?" Keith asks.</p><p>"Of course," Lance replies immediately. "It's not worth it to make you uncomfortable."</p><p>Keith nods once before continuing. "I just, I haven't done this before," he confesses.</p><p>"What? Had sex?" Lance asks, somewhat incredulous.</p><p>Keith rolls his eyes. "No, you dork, I've had sex," he replies with a smirk that quickly slips away to nerves again. "I just… I've never had sex with someone who I cared about."</p><p>And suddenly, Lance <em> burns</em>. He burns with the need to show Keith what devotion and gentleness and love feel like. </p><p>"But," Keith continues, breaking Lance out of his thoughts. "I want to. With you." </p><p>He's never wanted anything as much as he wants to show Keith tenderness. </p><p>"Okay," he says, leaning down to press his forehead to Keith's. "Let's circle back. How do you want to do this?"</p><p>And, this time, Keith is sure.</p><p>"I want you inside me," Keith finally says, his cheeks once again taking on a rosy hue.</p><p>Lance leans forward and kisses him again. "Are you sure? I don't mind."</p><p>Keith shakes his head. "No, I want this. Just…" he says before trailing off.</p><p>Lance reaches up and tucks a loose strand of Keith's raven hair behind his ear before cupping his cheek. Keith leans into it like a man starved. "Just what?" he asks Keith.</p><p>"Be gentle with me?" Keith requests.</p><p>Somehow, Lance knows Keith is talking about more than just his body. And Lance…</p><p>He can't deny Keith anything.</p><p>Lance dips forward to kiss Keith's forehead. "I've got you. Trust me."</p><p>Indigo eyes meet blue.</p><p>"I do," Keith replies, steady and sure.</p><h5>
  <em>Between them, devotion blossoms like a weed, sure and steady.</em>
</h5><p>Lance doesn't rush as he takes Keith apart. He takes his time doing everything he's dreamed about and more.</p><p>He undresses them both fully and lays them bare to each other, letting their combined warmth grow and grow between them as they press skin to skin.</p><p>He presses gentle kisses to every inch of Keith, occasionally sucking dark marks into pale skin as if to say, <em> Lance was here, and he worshipped at the altar of Keith's body. </em></p><p>He takes Keith into his mouth as he slowly stretches him, savoring the moans and gasps and begs of "More, please <em> more</em>, there, Lance, <em> there there there</em>."</p><p>He swallows Keith's first release, greedy and wishing desperately for more, as Keith all but sobs above him.</p><p>When he finally enters Keith, he kisses away tears that roll down Keith's cheeks from feeling so much.</p><p>And Keith returns the favor, wiping away tears that fall from Lance's eyes.</p><p>Slowly, as they crash into each other over and over again, the two mercenaries lace their hands together and hold on for dear life as the waves of their feelings wash over them.</p><p>And, as Lance releases inside Keith, he presses forward and buries his face into Keith's neck. There, he whispers a secret that only Keith will ever know.</p><h5>
  <em>I love you.</em>
</h5><p>And, as Keith arches into Lance's trembling body and releases again, he leans up and presses his lips to Lance's ear. There, he whispers a secret that only Lance will ever know.</p><h5>
  <em>I love you, too.</em>
</h5><p>As the sun rises over the city and finally basks Lance's apartment in warmth, the two lovers fall asleep tangled together.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! If you liked it, please comment, recommend it to your friends, give me a kudos, something to let me know you enjoyed it. Your notes fuel me. :D</p><p>I'll be updating on AO3 on Tuesday, 28 April.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. chapter 6: all alone, his blood runs thin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lance's phone rings loudly downstairs, shattering the calmness around them and throughout the loft.</p><p>Duty calls.</p><p>He wants to ignore it, wants to pretend he didn't hear it, wants to pretend that they're not in the gang and instead, they're a normal couple who spent their first night of many together.</p><p>Keith's smile turns sad, turns aching. He knows. He understands. "Go," he says, reaching forward to place a steady palm on Lance's cheek. "You need to make sure it's not important."</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>
<em>I've always been in love with you.</em><em><br/></em><em>Could you tell it from the moment that I met you?</em>
</h3><h5>- Florence + The Machine, <em>The End of Love</em>
</h5><p> </p><p>Lance is warm when he wakes up the next morning.</p><p>The sky is an overcast, muted gray now, too early for him to be awake, but he can't sleep either.</p><p>Because Keith Kogane, Galra mercenary, is tucked into his side, sleeping soft and soundly.</p><p>Because Keith Kogane, Galra mercenary, is sleeping in his bed, his dark hair spread out on his pillow, a contrast to the white white sheets of Lance's bed.</p><p>Because Keith Kogane, Galra mercenary, loves him. Loves Lance McClain, the Altean mercenary.</p><p>Lance smiles.</p><p>Part of him—the small part of his heart that always fears getting hurt—is overwhelmed by the fact that Keith is still here. That he didn't escape out the window.</p><p>But, a bigger part of Lance knows that something Earth-shattering happened last night. He gave Keith a piece of his heart, and he received a piece of Keith's back in return.</p><p><em> We're in love</em>, he thinks, dazedly.</p><p>Lance reaches out for Keith, placing a gentle hand on his warm cheek. Behind his eyelids, Keith's eyes shift as he comes into awareness.</p><p>Slowly, oh so slowly, those violet eyes open, and a wave of relief washes over Lance. He didn't know how much he'd missed Keith's gaze being on him, and now that he has it again, he doesn't know how he managed to ever live without it.</p><p>"Hi," Lance whispers quietly, careful not to break the warm cocoon wrapped around them.</p><p>Keith blinks before he smiles, a soft, gentle thing. "Hi," he whispers back.</p><p>Impossibly, Lance's heart trips again before it swells with desire. Lance is <em> hungry </em> with the need to know Keith better. He wants to know everything there is to know about the mercenary. He needs to know how he likes his coffee and his eggs and what his favorite color is and how did Keith—gentle, scared Keith—wind up killing people?</p><p>But at that moment, Lance's phone rings loudly downstairs, shattering the calmness around them and throughout the loft.</p><p>Duty calls.</p><p>He wants to ignore it, wants to pretend he didn't hear it, wants to pretend that they're not in the gang and instead, they're a normal couple who spent their first night of many together.</p><p>Keith's smile turns sad, turns aching. He knows. He understands. "Go," he says, reaching forward to place a steady palm on Lance's cheek. "You need to make sure it's not important."</p><p>Lance sighs before leaning forward to press a sweet kiss to Keith's forehead. "Okay," he replies. "Go back to sleep. It's still early. I'll be back before you know it."</p><p>Keith nods before leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to Lance's lips. "I'll wait for you," he says. He pauses, searching Lance's face. "Love you," he finally whispers.</p><p>Lance can't help but smile. "Love you too," he replies.</p><p>At that, Keith snuggles back into the sheets and closes his eyes.</p><p>Lance misses him already.</p><p>
  <span>　•☆　　　·　　　　°　·　　☆　　.　　　　　*　°　☆</span>
</p><p>Downstairs, Lance's phone blinks with an unread text message. He picks it up and unlocks it quickly.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Princess [07:30] &gt;&gt; You're needed at the mansion at 8 am sharp. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Allura. Damn. He hustles through a quick shower and drinks a cup of scalding hot coffee before he's out the door and heading that way. He's not sure what Allura could want from him at such an early time in the morning. She rarely sends texts before 9 am, so whatever it is has to be pressing.</p><p>His stomach churns with anxiety. What if she saw him leaving <em> teludav </em> early? What if she noticed he wasn't with anyone?</p><p>What if she knows about Keith?</p><p>He shakes his head of those thoughts as he turns the corner on the street where the Alteans live. He's almost made it to the entrance to the garden when a black SUV pulls up beside him and parks. </p><p>"There's the old loverboy!" a familiar voice yells. "Where have you been!"</p><p>Despite his growing nerves, he smiles.</p><p>"Nyma," he says as he comes to a stop. "What are you doing here so early?"</p><p>He waits for her as she hops out of the car and comes around the front. She's small in stature, but she's one hell of an acrobat. They've used her to sneak in and out of buildings before, and Lance happens to know that she's quite flexible… <em> outside </em> of a mission as well. They used to hook up before she broke it off a year ago, but they're still friendly even if he hasn't seen her in a while. That much is obvious by the wet kiss she plants on his cheek as a greeting.</p><p>"The Princess texted me. Said to be here at 8," she replies with a shrug. "You know what this is about?"</p><p>He shakes his head no. "She didn't tell me anything."</p><p>Nyma shrugs, unbothered. "Oh, well," she replies. "Let's get this done and then maybe we can go get breakfast. I hear there is a new diner on 10th with awesome waffles."</p><p>Briefly, a thought of Keith flits through Lance's mind, sleeping in his bed, warm and soft. </p><p>"Maybe," he says.</p><p>"Maybe! Maybe my ass!" Nyma exclaims, blonde hair bouncing all over the place. "I haven't seen you in months. I need to know what's going on with you!"</p><p>He chuckles dryly as they walk through the entrance into the Altean mansion. A sprawling garden lies before them, between the gate they just walked through and the large entrance doors to the manor. Morning dew still shimmers on roses, lilies, tulips, hydrangeas, and a hundred other flowers and plants. They grow to their left and right around a stone path that cuts through the garden. A large fountain stands in the middle of the garden, and that's where Lance sees Allura and Alfor. In the distance, Lance hears the City Hall's bell ring, signaling the start of a new hour.</p><p>"Lance, Nyma," Alfor calls as they walk closer to the Alteans. "Thank you for joining us so early in the morning."</p><p>Both Lance and Nyma nod, waiting to speak until they are given permission. </p><p>"As you both may know, we recently lost a valuable ally in City Hall," Alfor says as he turns his back to them and walks toward the blossoming flowers. He leans to inspect a bright red rose, his fingers carefully brushing against the delicate petals. "Councilman Iverson was murdered by the Galra Empire the night when Allura and Pidge were planting a message for him, wasn't he, Mr. McClain?"</p><p>Lance swallows and feels his forehead bead with sweat. "Yes, sir," he answers.</p><p>Alfor hums as turns from the flowers to face them again. "Yes, and that night, after Allura had escorted you out, I asked her if she suspected that we had a mole among us. Allura, dear, what did you say?"</p><p>Suddenly, Lance remembers the conversation that he had with Allura in this very garden months ago about a certain hitman who is currently sleeping in Lance's bed.</p><h5>
  <em>"You saw him, didn't you?"</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>"And why didn't you kill him?"</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>"Don't let this happen again."</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>"If you see him again, you need to kill him."</em>
</h5><p>Allura shoots a quick look at Lance before meeting her father's eyes. "I said that I trusted everyone in Altea with my life."</p><p>Alfor laughs at that. "Yes, she did," he says as he walks closer to them. "She's naïve, you see. Much like her mother. Too trusting, too forgiving of people's… <em> mistakes</em>."</p><p>Behind Alfor, Lance watches as Allura flushes with embarrassment.</p><p>Alfor steps closer to Nyma and Lance, and Lance knows that he's pushed it too far. They know about Keith, and they're going to kill him for it.</p><p>"But then again," Alfor says, looking at both Lance and Nyma. "We've <em> all </em> made mistakes before…" </p><p>Even though he shouldn't, Lance thinks of Keith. Keith, who asked Lance for gentleness. Keith, who is going to lose all of that when Lance dies. But hopefully, with Lance out of the picture, Keith will be safe again.</p><p>"Isn't that right," Alfor continues. "Nyma?"</p><p>For a moment, it feels like time stops. </p><p>Lance turns to look at Nyma, who has lost all color in her face.</p><p>"Nyma," he whispers. "What did you do?"</p><p>"She sold us out to the Galra," Alfor spits. "Didn't you?"</p><p>He steps closer to her, his face directly in hers, and Lance is once again reminded of how terrifying Alfor Altea can be. Despite being middle-aged with gray hair, he towers over Nyma as he reaches forward and wraps a hand around her throat.</p><p>"Father!" Allura yells desperately.</p><p>"Allura, quiet," he says as he squeezes Nyma's throat more. He lifts her slightly so her feet no longer touch the stone path. "You know what we do with <em> traitors</em>."</p><p>Lance is frozen still, worried for Nyma and powerless and thinking of Keith, always Keith.</p><p>Nyma reaches up and scratches at Aflor's hands as her face slowly turns blue and tears fall from her bright eyes. "I-I sor—" she gasps.</p><p>And with a strength that surprises Lance, he lifts her even higher before tossing her to the ground. Then, Alfor's eyes are back on Lance. </p><p>"She cost you a clean job," he says to Lance. "Kill her."</p><p>"<em>What</em>!?" Lance yells.</p><p>"Kill her, Mr. McClain," Alfor replies.</p><p>He looks at Nyma, who is gasping for breath on the stone path. He thinks of laughing with her in his bed, over breakfast, while they danced. He <em> cares </em> about her.</p><p>"Lance, please," she begs, breathlessly. "Make it kind. Please, at least let it be kind."</p><p>He feels his eyes well with tears, but he reaches for the handgun on his hip. He inhales deeply and lifts his gun up, his finger on the trigger…</p><p>Only for a loud shot to ring through the garden and through Nyma's head, her skull blasting into bits and mixing with gray matter and blood on Lance's shoes.</p><p>Nyma…</p><p>Lance looks away from her body as it falls and hits the pavement. Alfor is putting his gun back in its holster.</p><p>He <em>killed</em> her. Alfor murdered Nyma.</p><p>Allura stands behind him, the blood draining from her face as she stares and stares at Nyma on the ground.</p><p>After taking a moment to straighten his suit, Alfor finally speaks. "You're getting weak, McClain."</p><p>He steps closer to Lance as he continues speaking. "I've been very disappointed in you the last few months. You're losing your edge." He states as he runs a hand through his gray hair. "Think about Rachel," he says, and Lance's blood runs cold. "She got into that experimental procedure because of that anonymous donor. And now…" </p><p>He pauses as he finally stops in front of Lance's face, his cold eyes boring into Lance's. "She's alive and healthy, Lance. It'd be a shame if… <em> something </em> happened to her after she came so far."</p><p>And with that, he turns on his heel and leaves the garden. Lance watches him leave until he reaches the grand doors of the Altean manor where two bodyguards open the doors for him to walk through. He turns back to look at Nyma's body, her eyes staring up into the sky.</p><p><em> This is the person who led me to Keith</em>, he thinks. <em> And she’s… dead</em>.</p><p>He hears Allura walk across the pavement, closer to him. Once she reaches him, she puts a careful hand on his shoulder. "Lance, I'm sorry," she whispers, her eyes filling with tears. "I know you two were close."</p><p>Lance can only nod, completely numb.</p><p>The two friends stand in silence for a moment before Allura says, "I saw you left <em> teludav </em> early last night, but you weren't with anyone."</p><p>And like a bucket of ice water being dumped over him, Lance <em> knows</em>, in his heart, that Allura knows about him and Keith.</p><p>The warning that Alfor issued wasn't just for Nyma, whether he knows it or not.</p><p>Lance turns to face Allura, unable to look at Nyma's unending stare. "Are you threatening me?" he asks.</p><p>Allura looks Lance over, careful and worried. She's known him for so long, but she still searches his face for something. "Do you need to be threatened?" she finally asks, in a tone that one could mistake as kind.</p><p>Lance thinks long and hard. His family was just threatened, but he still feels a pull to Keith. He <em> loves </em> Keith, but they can't be together. </p><p>It's chaos.</p><p>It's <em> betrayal</em>.</p><p>It's dangerous.</p><p>It's <em> suicide</em>.</p><p>"I don't know, Allura," he finally says with a sigh, but Lance knows that Allura wanted to hear a different answer.</p><p>"You can't be with him, Lance," she says. "This will be your downfall if you stay with him."</p><p>Years ago, when they were sixteen and in high school together and Allura's mother was alive and times were simpler, Lance had a crush on a boy in his chemistry class named James. He was tall, cocky, handsome, and captain of the football team, and his heart skipped a beat when he looked at him. He tried to bury those feelings by chasing girls, and it put a strain on their friendship, but Allura… she saw through it all. She found him crying outside the fieldhouse one day after he'd tried to kiss James only to have him beat the shit out of Lance. She'd found him and known it all tied back to James, though he'd never even explicitly told her about him. </p><p>The truth is that very, very few people know Lance McClain in the way that Allura Altea does. She could predict his feelings before he could, she knew why he made the choices he did, and she loved him through it all. Even when he was making dumb choices, she gave him more chances than he deserved.</p><p>But… things aren't as simple now as they were when they were teenagers.</p><p>"Are you going to tell your father?" he finally asks.</p><p>She looks away from him, out over the garden. Only the sounds of cars passing by and the bubbling of the fountain can be heard as Lance waits and waits for her to finally speak.</p><p>"There was this… boy once," Allura finally says as she looks out over the blooming flowers. She is miles and years away from Lance, lost in a memory. "I met him through a couple deals. He was beautiful."</p><p>She pauses and swallows. "But he was Galra. So Father had him killed. That… confirmed for me something that I think I already knew—whatever kindness or sympathy or heart that my father had, it died with my mother."</p><p>Allura sighs as she looks at Nyma's body on the pavement. She stoops down and closes her eyes, finally stopping the unending stare. She carefully tucks a piece of blonde hair behind her ear. If Lance couldn't see the blood pooling around her head, he'd almost think she was sleeping.</p><p>"I don't want to see the same thing happen to you, Lance, but I'm not going to cut any time you have with him," she finally says. "I… I understand. But you need to end it, Lance."</p><p>She pauses again as she stands up and turns her back on Nyma. She meets Lance's gaze with a steely look.</p><p>"I can already tell that if something happens to him, you will break apart forever," she says. "Don't lose yourself to have him."</p><p>She shoots him one more sympathetic look before placing a kiss on his cheek and walking off to join Alfor.</p><p>And Lance can only stand there and shake as Nyma's blood pools beneath his feet.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! If you liked it, please comment, recommend it to your friends, give me a kudos, something to let me know you enjoyed it. Your notes fuel me. :D</p><p>I'll be updating on AO3 on Tuesday, 12 May.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. chapter 7: the road to ruin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>His days blend into one another without any real indication of how much time has passed. If he's not working a job, he's at his shitty apartment.</p><p>He goes home. He washes the blood off of his hands. He doesn't think about the faces of his victims.</p><p>He doesn't think about Lance.</p><p>He repeatedly sharpens his knives. He does endless counts of pull-ups on his shitty bar.</p><p>He doesn't think about Lance.</p><p>He barely sleeps. He barely eats. He doesn't talk to anyone aside from Lotor.</p><p>He doesn't think about Lance.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Would you believe I had this ready to go yesterday and forgot to post it? smh</p><p>I'd forget my own damn head if it wasn't attached.</p><p>Anywho, enjoy this new update!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>
<em>I know the further I go,</em><br/><em>The harder I try, only keeps my eyes closed.</em><br/><em>And somehow I've fallen in love</em><br/><em>With this middle ground at the cost of my soul. </em><br/><em>Yet I know, if I stepped aside,</em><br/><em>Released the controls, you would open my eyes.</em><br/><em>That somehow, all of this mess</em><br/><em>Is just an attempt to know the worth of my life…</em>
</h3><h5>- Sleeping At Last, <em>Mercury</em>
</h5><p> </p><p>Lance never came back to his apartment.</p><p>Keith woke fully a few hours after Lance had left. He lazed in Lance's bed for a while, rolling in the soft sheets that smelled like sandalwood and citrus and <em> Lance Lance Lance.</em></p><p>He got up and made himself a breakfast of what he could find in Lance's kitchen which ended up being toaster waffles with some fresh strawberries and a cup of coffee.</p><p>With more time on his hands, Keith found himself again drawn to the pictures of Lance's family on the bookshelves. They all looked so… <em> content</em>. </p><p>Keith had never felt that before. </p><p>Not until…</p><p>
  <em>Lance.</em>
</p><p>He felt warm all over just thinking of the Altean sharpshooter. His body ached from the night before, but he relished in the ache, a clear and present reminder that Lance…</p><p>Well.</p><p>He shivered just imagining how gentle and careful Lance had been with him the night before. He wanted nothing more than to have another round, to press more kisses on Lance's body, to whisper <em> I love you' </em>s into his bronzed skin, against his lips.</p><p>But… </p><p>Lance never came back.</p><p>The day turned into night turned into early morning, and Lance never showed up.</p><p>Keith's heart falls with disappointment.</p><p>Around 5 am, his phone chirps with a text.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> Lotor [05:02] &gt;&gt; New reporter snooping around the docks. Take care of it. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>With a defeated sigh, Keith gives in to the nasty thoughts that have been growing louder and louder as the time passed.</p><h5>
  <em>Thoughts like:</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>You're a step up from a street rat.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>He'd never love you.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>You're fooling yourself.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>We may know these thoughts to be false, but idle time is doubt's best friend. </em>
</h5><p>He slips on his shoes and leaves out the window he'd come in the night before.</p><p>As Keith climbs down the fire escape, he considers that maybe this is for the best. He opened himself up to the <em> enemy </em> , to the gang who had killed his friends, his coworkers. He'd opened himself up to someone who couldn't care for him, and he'd been jeopardizing his shot at <em> freedom</em>. And for what? To be someone's <em> booty call</em>? </p><p>None of these choices he had made were worth it.</p><p><em>Lance </em> wasn't worth it.</p><p>He'd been foolish to trust the Altean sharpshooter with his life and his body and his…</p><h5>
  <em>Heart.</em>
</h5><p>Keith sighs loudly as he cuts down the street.</p><p>Foolish, indeed.</p><p>
  
  <span>✧　　　.　　　·　　　　✶　•　•°.　　　°✧　</span>
</p><p>Keith cuts through the reporter's neck like a hot knife cutting through butter. </p><p>He feels nothing.</p><p>No sympathy, no regret, no worry.</p><p>He feels nothing at all as he shoves the body away from him, into the murky lake on the outskirts of town. Whenever someone finds the body, all traces of a young man with blonde hair and green eyes will be gone. Unfortunately for Keith, he can barely remember what the reporter looked like. He can only see brown hair, tan skin, blue eyes, towering over him, handling him with the utmost—</p><p>He shakes his head as he turns his back on the lake and sends a text.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> Keith [23:53] &gt;&gt; Reporter is at the lake. What else do you need? </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Keith sends the text off and climbs on his bike. It's a dark night, no sight of the moon in the sky.</p><p>His phone chimes with a new text message.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> Lotor [23:55] &gt;&gt; Impressive. New grunts at the garage. Tail them. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>He doesn't bother with a response. He just shoves his helmet on his head and starts the motorcycle, desperate to drive off into the night.</p><p>
  <span>　✵　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　✷　　　..　　　°✶　</span>
</p><p>His days blend into one another without any real indication of how much time has passed. If he's not working a job, he's at his shitty apartment.</p><p>He goes home. He washes the blood off of his hands. He doesn't think about the faces of his victims.</p><p>He doesn't think about Lance.</p><p>He repeatedly sharpens his knives. He does endless counts of pull-ups on his shitty bar.</p><p>He doesn't think about Lance.</p><p>He barely sleeps. He barely eats. He doesn't talk to anyone aside from Lotor.</p><p>He doesn't think about Lance.</p><h5>
  <em>Oh, but he does. </em>
</h5><p>In all his time in the Galra gang, he has never been so disconnected from his emotions and thoughts. He's a husk of a person, no longer able to feel anything. That makes the job easier for him as he manages a dozen successful kills over the course of a couple of weeks.</p><p>He is ruthless.</p><p>He is precise.</p><p>He is... </p><h5>
<em>Miserable</em>.</h5><p>
  <span>°　　　　　　　　　*　.　　.°　　*　☆　　°.　*·°</span>
</p><p>Keith is sitting at the bar of the Garage, nursing a coke and nothing else, as he watches over the new grunts.</p><p>Usually, this job is reserved for members of the gang who have more clout than Keith. They are unknown to new recruits, so they blend into the spaces where the gang hangs out and watch the new members.</p><p>Do they have connections outside of the gang to use as leverage to keep them in line?</p><p>Are they fully dedicated to the cause?</p><p>Are they clever or do they need to be excluded from covert affairs?</p><p>What role are they suited for?</p><p>He's been charged to do this when Lotor doesn't have a hit for him, and he finds himself resentful of these new members. They had every chance to avoid this life, and yet, here they are.</p><p>Keith would give anything for—</p><p>He shakes his head. Best not to let not to dwell on that.</p><p>Luckily, his phone vibrates, pulling him from more… unfortunate thoughts.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> Lotor [24:02] &gt;&gt; Meet me on the docks. </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Keith stands from the bar and pulls on his leather jacket before heading out and climbing on his bike. He races through the streets, chasing a feeling that he hasn't felt since—</p><h5>
<em>Lance</em>.</h5><p>When Keith finally arrives, he parks the bike behind the shipping containers on the east end before walking along the water. At the last dock before the ocean, Keith sees Lotor.</p><p>Lotor is not exactly an unattractive person. Tonight, he's wearing pressed wool pants, a dark peacoat, and a silk scarf. He's tall and slender, towering over most of the gang but still athletic enough to handle himself gracefully in a fight. He has long white hair that he leaves loose around his angular face. Most interesting of all is the scar across his left eye. Rumor has it that Alfor Altea himself gave him that scar, but Keith doesn't really believe it. Scars are inevitable in this line of work. </p><p>"Keith," Lotor calls as he approaches. "Come, come, we have something to discuss."</p><p>A very small part of his brain wonders if this is the end of the line for him, if they have found out about Lance and are going to stop Keith from ever crossing them again.</p><h5>
<em>He wishes desperately for it to be true</em>.</h5><p>When Keith is finally standing next to him, Lotor turns and looks Keith in the eye.</p><p>"I must admit, Keith," Lotor starts. "I have been very impressed with your work the last few weeks. Your work ethic has really improved."</p><p>Keith nods numbly. "Thank you, sir," he replies.</p><p>"I never would have expected someone so… <em> loyal </em> to grow from that sniveling boy I pulled out of the alleyway all those years ago," Lotor says.</p><p>This comment doesn't even pierce through Keith's haze. </p><p>"Your debt is coming along," Lotor continues. "At this rate, you will be pardoned in the next five years. But, I imagine that you will not take that deal."</p><p>Keith swallows. Some part of him knows what Lotor is getting at, but he's unsure. "What do you mean, sir?"</p><p>At this, Lotor looks away and gazes over the crashing waves. They beat against the dock, splashing their feet, but Lotor pays it no mind. </p><p>"As you may know, my father will be passing the family business along to me," Lotor finally says. "I will be hand-selecting my confidants. Many suspect that I will pick Sendak, as he has been loyal to my father and me through the years."</p><p>This is not news to Keith. Sendak is the lapdog for the Galra, but he's… feral. He's merciless when it comes to the Galra, and he has the time in prison to show for it.</p><p>"But," Lotor continues, breaking Keith from his thoughts. "I do not think Sendak is the right fit for my reign. In fact, I think someone like you will do a better job."</p><p>And, for the first time in weeks…</p><p>Keith feels something.</p><p>He's <em> disgusted</em>.</p><p>"Think on it," Lotor says then, saving Keith from replying. "Ultimately, we are still years away from that decision, but I wanted you to consider your… options. Make sure you know that we're invested in you as long as you are loyal to us and us alone."</p><p>And at that, Lotor walks away, leaving Keith to stand on the docks.</p><p>The cold, night wind whips against his face, splashing him with the ocean spray, but he keeps staring at the waves, feeling frozen, terrified, resentful.</p><p>This…</p><p>This isn't the person Keith wanted to become.</p><p>He turns from the harsh wind and looks up to the sky, gazing at the stars glittering in the black night.</p><h5>
<em> And here, my friends, is the deepest secret of Keith Kogane</em>.</h5><h5>
  <em> Here is the crux of the matter. </em>
</h5><h5>
  <em> Here is why he fell for Lance so hard, so fast. </em>
</h5><p>Keith never really knew his dad. He left before Keith was even born.</p><p>He vaguely remembers his mother, but the memories are all fuzzy, distorted. What he remembers most is that one day, she was holding him, and the next day, she was gone.</p><p>He spent his childhood bouncing from foster home to orphanage to foster home to orphanage and back, time and time again. He never made friends, he didn't have a family, he never had a place to call home.</p><p>But, that all changed when Lance fell into his life.</p><p>As Keith stares at the stars in the cold night, he feels an emotion that is so large, so harrowing, so desperate that he finds himself moved to tears.</p><p>Keith has felt envy when he sat in malls and watched spoiled children get huge toys.</p><p>Keith has felt longing when he watched families share meals together while he sat alone.</p><p>Keith has felt so many emotions, but he's never felt this particular one.</p><p>He wishes for something that he's had before but no longer has anymore. He wishes for tenderness, for gentleness, for adoration, for love.</p><p>He <em> misses </em>someone.</p><h5>
  <em>Lance. </em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>He misses Lance. </em>
</h5><p>Keith aches with the need to see Lance again, and he shouldn't. He loves Lance, he really does, but they can't be together.</p><p>It's chaos.</p><p>It's <em> betrayal</em>.</p><p>It's dangerous.</p><p>It's <em> suicide</em>.</p><p>But before he can really think about what he's doing, Keith pulls out his phone and thumbs through his contacts until he sees Lance's name.</p><p>He acts quickly, without thinking and presses the green "Call" button.</p><p>He puts the phone to his ear.</p><p>It rings once.</p><p>And then…</p><p>Keith remembers that he has nothing to give Lance.</p><h5>
  <em>Foolish, indeed. </em>
</h5><p>Keith hangs up.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! If you liked it, please comment, recommend it to your friends, give me a kudos, something to let me know you enjoyed it. Your notes fuel me. :D</p><p>I'll be updating on AO3 on Tuesday, 26 May.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. chapter 8: forgiveness, can you imagine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lance's heart stops.</p><p>Then, he's decisive, he's breathing, he's not <i>drowning</i> anymore. Before he can stop or think about it, he packs his equipment up and books it across the roof, down the fire escape, and to his car. </p><p>He's going to Keith.</p><p>It's chaos.</p><p>It's <i>betrayal</i>.</p><p>It's dangerous.</p><p>It's <i>suicide</i>.</p><p>But Lance doesn't care anymore.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>
<em>here is the deepest secret nobody knows</em><em><br/></em><em>(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud</em><em><br/></em><em>and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows</em><em><br/></em><em>higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)</em><br/><em>and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart</em><br/><em>i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)</em>
</h3><h5>- e. e. cummings, <em>i carry your heart with me</em>
</h5><p> </p><p>Lance is drowning.</p><p>Not literally, but he feels like he did when he was nine and his family took a trip to the beach on a sunny day. He was nine and he was small and a wave took him under before he had the chance to yell. But the water… The water heard him scream as it took away his voice, took away his breath, took away his beating heart. Somehow, his father managed to swim down and save him, but Lance has never forgotten that drowning sensation.</p><p>He feels it distinctly in the weeks after Nyma died. He can't breathe, he can't eat, he can only focus on the job and the next job and the next job. </p><p>He mourns Nyma.</p><p>He misses his family.</p><p>But he <em> craves </em> Keith.</p><p>And Lance reminds himself that he can't see any of them as he shoots a target, tails a city official, lays out plans with Alfor and Allura. Nyma is dead, his family is off-limits, and Keith…</p><p>Lance sighs as he sits on a cold rooftop watching the new city councilman leave the office late one night. </p><p>"Keith probably hates me," he says aloud as he watches the councilman walk to his boring black car in his boring grey suit to go home to his boring, nuclear family.</p><p>And why wouldn't he? Lance left him after a night where they were open and vulnerable with each other.</p><h5>
  <em> It appears that Lance is just as foolish as Keith. </em>
</h5><p>His phone buzzes once, so he figures it's probably a text from Allura. He digs it out of his pocket as the councilman gets in his car and leaves the parking lot.</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>[20:13] One Missed Call - Keith </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Lance's heart stops.</p><p>Then, he's decisive, he's breathing, he's not <em> drowning </em> anymore. Before he can stop or think about it, he packs his equipment up and books it across the roof, down the fire escape, and to his car. </p><p>He's going to Keith.</p><p>It's chaos.</p><p>It's <em> betrayal</em>.</p><p>It's dangerous.</p><p>It's <em> suicide</em>.</p><p>But Lance doesn't care anymore.</p><p>
  <span>★　　°　　°*　°·　　　·　　　　　　　　✵　　　　　　</span>
</p><p>Keith spends the whole ride home regretting his decision.</p><h5>
  <em>And desperately wishing that Lance somehow knew he was out here. </em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Wishing… </em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Wanting… </em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Waiting for him. </em>
</h5><p>He really needs to let Lance go. Being together only means sure death for them, but <em> God</em>, how he aches for him.</p><p>He's ducking down the alley to enter his apartment complex, and he's just about convinced himself (for today) that he needs to stop chasing, stop wanting, when someone calls out from the dark.</p><p>"Keith."</p><p>Just one word.</p><p>His <em> name</em>.</p><p>But he knows who it is.</p><p>His heart starts racing.</p><p>He squints into the dark and makes out the tall figure of Lance Lance <em> Lance</em>.</p><p>The man in question steps closer, the shadows finally falling from his face.</p><p>He's still beautiful.</p><p>"I… I saw you called," Lance says as he steps closer and closer until he's mere feet from Keith.</p><p>In this moment, Keith has a choice. He can let Lance go or he can finally, finally chase after him.</p><p>He didn't get the chance to choose the morning after, but he does now.</p><p>Keith swallows once. </p><p>"I made a mistake," Keith says, steely and closed-off. "I shouldn't have called you."</p><p>And Keith expects Lance to make an excuse or explain or <em> something</em>.</p><p>But, Lance… He doesn't say anything.</p><p>Instead, he hands Keith a plain white envelope. Nothing is written on it, and Keith has no idea what's inside, but he finds he doesn't care.</p><p>He's <em> angry</em>.</p><h5>
  <em>But mostly, he's hurt.</em>
</h5><p>So, he doesn't open the envelope.</p><p>He needs to get this out in the open.</p><p>"You left me," he spits. Lance's face crumples, but Keith keeps going. "You <em> left </em> me. You fucked me, and then you left me in your bed while you went to the fucking Alteans."</p><p>At this, Lance says nothing.</p><p>It's out of character for him, but Keith keeps going.</p><p>"I… I opened myself up to you," he says. "You know I don't do this. I told you that. I said you weren't a fling to me, and you <em> left</em>. I told you I loved you, Lance." At that, his anger fades into a sadness so deep that it nearly takes his breath away. </p><p>He inhales. Deeply. Slowly. He looks down at the envelope and starts to open it. </p><p>"And this," he continues as he shakes the half-open envelope with one hand before he continues pulling out the contents. "This doesn't change any—"</p><p>But, he stops.</p><p>Because, in his hand, is a black and white photo of the entry to the very alleyway he's standing in. </p><p>In the photo, it's daytime, and Keith sees that <em> he </em> is in the photo. It's from a couple days ago, when he was heading out on a job. Part of him panics briefly because he hadn't even noticed Lance tailing him. But, the other part of him…</p><p>He looks closely at his photographed self. </p><p>He looks so… <em> sad</em>. He hadn't realized that his feelings were bleeding out all over his face, but he looks so sad and lonely and <em> defeated</em>. </p><p>But, somehow, there's a tenderness to the photo. The photographer clearly loves his subject.</p><p>Someone who loves him took this picture.</p><p>
  <em> Lance.</em>
</p><p>Lance clearly loves <em> him</em>.</p><p>"How—" he tries to ask, but he finds himself suddenly choked up. He traces his face in the picture before looking up to Lance, desperate for answers.</p><p>Lance shoots him a crooked grin. It's clearly forced, but for the first time tonight, Keith sees <em> his </em> Lance.</p><p>"I couldn't come back to my house," Lance says. "They… they killed Nyma."</p><p>The name rings a bell in Keith's head. She was the informant who knew that the Alteans were watching Councilman Iverson on the night he met Lance. She must have crossed the Alteans, and she paid for it with her life.</p><p>The murky picture that Keith has been staring at for weeks suddenly makes sense.</p><p>Lance was trying to protect him.</p><p>"I couldn't let you go, either," Lance continues. "I kept watching you, hoping you'd be okay."</p><p>Keith wants to be mad.</p><p>Ruthless.</p><p>Precise.</p><p>But, like the flame of a candle against the hard winter wind, his fury extinguishes. It leaves behind a wave of emotion so strong that Keith's eyes fill with tears.</p><p>"Why did you leave me?" he asks, his voice catching around the lump in his throat.</p><p>And Lance…</p><p>Beautiful, kind, loving Lance…</p><p>His bright blue eyes fill with tears, too.</p><p>"They threatened my family," Lance says.</p><p>In his mind's eye, Keith can see all of Lance's family, in their frames, carefully photographed.</p><p>Much like the photo Lance had given him.</p><p>"Why are you back?" Keith asks.</p><p>"Because… You're my family, too," Lance replies.</p><p>And Keith can't hold back anymore.</p><p>He runs into Lance's arms, and Lance catches him, holds him tight, protects him from the bitter, cold world.</p><h5>
  <em>Home.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Keith is home.</em>
</h5><p>
  
  <span>*　　°　　✯　　　　✸　•　　•　　　°　　　　*　　</span>
</p><p>Keith leads Lance to the back of the alley and down a few steps to his basement apartment, holding his hand the whole time.</p><p>"It's not much," Keith says as he flicks on a lamp in the entryway with a fluorescent lightbulb. "I got it a few years back to be closer to the shipping district."</p><p>This first thing Lance notices when Keith unlocks the door and lets him inside is that it's dark. And small. Lance nods as he walks around and checks out the limited offerings. His apartment is dark in the way that Lance's is cold. </p><p>The whole place is sparsely furnished. Keith has a small kitchen with a fridge and stove that look like they're at least three decades old. There's a futon that looks like it was pulled off the street, and a TV that is big and boxy. A Murphy bed is pulled down, and the white sheets are crumpled on the bed. Off the room is presumably the bathroom, but the only thing Lance notices is a pull-up bar. Makes sense—it's cheap, keeps him busy, and is effective if Keith's body is any indication. Blackout curtains hang over the few windows the place has.</p><p>The only thing that really stands out is on the wall behind the futon.</p><p>Keith's knives.</p><p>He has a large collection, all clean and pristine and sharp<em>. </em>They're mounted on the wall to a wire rack. Clearly, the only thing in the whole apartment that Keith takes care of.</p><p>Lance walks to the rack, and runs his finger along the handle of one and whistles.</p><p>"Should have known you'd have a knife kink, Mullet," Lance says as he turns to look at Keith. </p><p>Keith laughs as he moves to stand beside Lance. He gazes at the knives, not meeting Lance's eyes. "Not really a kink if you only use them to kill people," he finally says after a moment of silence.</p><p>Lance winces at that statement, a swift and sure reminder that their lives are far from ideal.</p><p>"You clearly take care of them," Lance says. </p><p>"I have to," Keith replies. "They're the only thing keeping me alive."</p><p>Lance's heart plummets.</p><p>How did Keith—gentle, scared Keith—wind up killing people? </p><p>He finally turns away from the knives to meet Keith's eyes.</p><p>"Keith," he says, waiting for the other man to look away from the knives. Those indigo eyes finally meet his, and his heart calms, slows, relaxes with Keith looking at him, only him. "How did you wind up here?" he finally asks.</p><p>Keith looks and looks at him before he finally surges forward, wrapping his arms around Lance's waist. Lance holds him tight, holds him steady, holds him until he's ready to talk.</p><p>"I—" Keith says into Lance's shirt before he takes a deep breath. "I was an orphan starving on the streets. I bounced from foster home to orphanage and back again more times than I could count. I finally just… ran away. And no one looked for me. So I got good with a knife. Scary good."</p><p>Keith pauses, and Lance pulls him impossibly closer, rubbing his hands up and down Keith's back in soothing circles.</p><p>"One day, this guy in a fancy suit walked past me," Keith continues. "Looked like an easy target for pickpocketing, and I had gone a couple days without a real meal. I got sloppy. He realized what was happening and had me pinned against a wall before I could yell. Turns out it was Lotor, son to the heir of the Galra seat."</p><p>"Oh, <em> Keith</em>," Lance says, pressing a quick kiss to Keith's forehead while the other man tries to calm his ragged breathing. </p><p>"He… he said he'd let me go if I agreed to work for him," Keith says. "He said I'd have a warm bed to sleep in and food to eat every night. He said all I had to do was work for the Galra. I was just a kid, you know?"</p><p>"So you said yes," Lance guesses.</p><p>Keith nods his head, hair brushing against Lance's shoulder. "So I said yes. It started as grunt work, you know? Run this package here, leave this letter there. But one day, they asked me to kill for them, and I was so scared of being back on the street. I said yes."</p><p>Lance sighs loudly. "Of course you did. What else would you have done?"</p><p>"Lotor," Keith continues. "Lotor said I could stop when I'd completed a thousand kills. That my debt would be paid."</p><p>Carefully, Lance pulls back and uses his hand to tilt Keith's face up. "And how many kills ago was that?" he asks.</p><p>"Too many," Keith bites out, hard and bitter. "I would complete one, or so I thought, but it'd be botched. It wasn't clean enough, a camera could have caught me, did I know the cops were around the corner? Or, I'd do a bad job because I was a scared kid, and they'd tack on another."</p><p>"And you don't know how many you have left?" he asks. Keith shakes his head a sad no.</p><p><em> What a miserable pair we make</em>, Lance thinks.</p><p>"I-I've never admitted that to anyone," Keith says.</p><p>And Lance refuses to let him suffer again. He surges forward, kissing him desperately. Keith pushes back just as hard, wrapping himself around Lance in an impossible embrace.</p><p>They slowly move to the bed, and the need and desire builds between them.</p><p>He breaks away from Keith's mouth and kisses down his neck. Keith's hand comes up, and he laces his fingers through Lance's hair, arching into Lance's hot mouth.</p><p>"I missed you so much," Lance says as he mouths a mark onto Keith's neck.</p><p>"Me, too," Keith replies, breathless.</p><p>Lance wants to have Keith again, to let Keith have him. He wants to be close to Keith, to remind him that he's never going to leave again.</p><p>But, for the first time, his heart starts to whisper of betrayal.</p><h5>
  <em>What if?</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>What if?</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>What if?</em>
</h5><p>He breaks away and pants into Keith's neck.</p><p>And in the same, quick way that the heat built between them, it dissipates. Desperate kisses are replaced with arms wrapped around each other, replaced with fingers running through hair, replaced with thumbs caressing skin.</p><p>There's nothing Lance wants more in this moment than to hold Keith, and somehow he knows, Keith wants the same thing.</p><p>He presses a careful kiss to the underside of Keith's jaw, and finally, he decides to ask the question that's been eating at him since the first time he ever saw Keith.</p><p>"Do you ever think about what would happen if we just ran away?" he asks.</p><p>Keith answers with a sigh at first. "All the time," he says after a quiet moment. "I wish we could live a life where we were safe."</p><p>Lance's heart aches aches aches. "Live a life where I'm not worried if you're dead," he says.</p><p>Keith huffs a bitter laugh. "Live a life where <em> I'm </em> not worried if <em> you're </em> dead," the other man replies. </p><p>And suddenly, his heart whispers louder.</p><h5>
  <em>What if?</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>What if?</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>What if?</em>
</h5><p>Lance presses a kiss to Keith's collarbone before he asks, "A life where we're happy?"</p><p>Keith kisses Lance oh so gently on the forehead. "A life where we're happy," Keith replies. </p><h5>
  <em>Outside, the world continues to turn.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>The war wages on.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>But these two…</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They bask in the dream of a better world.</em>
</h5><p>Lance surges up and kisses Keith on the mouth again.</p><p>And though it breaks his heart, Lance voices the truth. "We could never leave," he says. "They'd kill us."</p><p>Keith doesn't reply then. They both know it's true.</p><h5>
  <em>But later that night, Keith thinks of that conversation again, and he whispers a secret to Lance. </em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>"I'd leave it all behind for you." </em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Lance pretends to sleep.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>But he hears. He knows.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>He feels the same way.</em>
</h5>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! If you liked it, please comment, recommend it to your friends, give me a kudos, something to let me know you enjoyed it. Your notes fuel me. :D</p><p>I'll be updating on AO3 on Friday, 11 June.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. chapter 9: no matter how far</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lance is all-in.</p><p>He's so <i>tired</i>. He denied himself happiness for so long. Whether it came from his family or his freedom or Keith, he spent so long pretending that he was fine. That he could carry on with all the pain and suffering in his soul.</p><p>But, Keith…</p><p>He changed everything.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oh, hey! *waves at everybody* I'm alive. These last few months have been INSANE. Between COVID stuff, a new job promotion, zine work, and more, I have been uh... a tad busy.</p><p>I know you all had to wait a while for this update, but I hope it's worth it. And, GOOD NEWS!!!! This story is now officially completely finished! YAYYYYYY!!!! *pops confetti* I'll be posting more frequently in the coming weeks, so I hope you all are ready to finish this journey with me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>
<em>Oh, it's funny how</em><br/><em>The warning signs can feel like the butterflies</em><br/><em>Oh, 'cause I keep diggin' myself down deeper</em><br/><em>I won't stop 'til I get where you are</em><br/><em>I keep running when both my feet hurt</em><br/><em>I won't stop 'til I get where you are</em><br/><em>Oh, when you go down all your darkest roads</em><br/><em>I woulda followed all the way to the graveyard</em>
</h3><h5>
  <em>- Halsey, <em>Graveyard</em></em>
</h5><p> </p><p> </p><h5>
  <em>Can you feel it?</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>The tension?</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Can you feel it?</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>It's growing, it's spreading.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Can you feel it?</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>It's a disease. It's a fire. It's a car crash. It's a speeding train.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>It's building and building and building and building.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>And it's about to break.</em>
</h5><p>　　°✸　.　　✵　✶★*　　　　.　·　✷　·　　°　•　</p><p>Lance is all-in.</p><p>He's so <em>tired</em>. He denied himself happiness for so long. Whether it came from his family or his freedom or Keith, he spent so long pretending that he was fine. That he could carry on with all the pain and suffering in his soul.</p><p>But, Keith… </p><p>He changed everything.</p><p>Which brings Lance to here.</p><p>An abandoned warehouse halfway between Galra and Altean territory.</p><p>In broad daylight.</p><p>There's a sort of lost beauty to this old building. For years—maybe even decades—the warehouse has sat unused. Cobwebs collect in corners, pieces of drywall litter the floor, and a thick layer of grime covers every surface, but the dust mites fall like snow in the waning afternoon light.</p><p>Despite everything, this place brings Lance peace.</p><p>He heads to a crate that has been recently wiped off and leans against it. Waiting. Watching. Listening.</p><p>Twenty minutes pass before he hears the small creak of someone coming in an upstairs window.</p><p>Subconsciously, his hand flies to the holster of his 9mm, carefully unlatching the snap.</p><p>This is how Lance has stayed alive for all these years. He has a killer sense of hearing, and his eyesight is even better. No enemy ever sneaks up on him.</p><p>But, Lance lets his guard down. Breathes in and out. </p><p>He knows those footsteps.</p><p>Keith is here.</p><p>Gracefully, Keith jumps down from the rickety balcony hanging in the warehouse and lands in front of Lance, nimble and as quiet as a cat.</p><p>He smirks at Lance.</p><h5>
  <em>He knows he should shoot him dead.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Put a bullet between his eyes, leave his body for the birds.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>He doesn't.</em>
</h5><p>Lance surges forward and kisses him.</p><h5>
  <em>Don't you see?</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Our heroes are getting reckless.</em>
</h5><p>　　✸　　　　*　　　•　　　*　·　·°•°*　　　　　　</p><p>Lance is distracted.</p><p>Normally, Keith would be worried if Lance was distracted, distant, lost in thought. But since he showed up outside Keith's door two weeks ago, there's never been a surer thing in Keith's life.</p><p>So, instead of being worried and internalizing, Keith reaches out.</p><p>Takes Lance's hand in his own.</p><p>Lays his head on Lance's shoulder.</p><p>And they breathe together.</p><p>Exist in a quiet and peaceful moment.</p><p>Free of death and decay and sorrow.</p><p>Slowly, the tension eases out of Lance's shoulders like the cold seeping away when sinking into a warm bath. He turns his head slightly and presses a sweet and gentle kiss to Keith's forehead.</p><p>"Something the matter?" Keith asks.</p><p>Around them, a breeze blows through the busted windows of the warehouse. Time stands still.  </p><p>It's chaos.</p><p>It's <em>betrayal</em>.</p><p>It's dangerous.</p><p>It's <em>suicide</em>.</p><p>Keith doesn't care anymore.</p><p>"No, not really," Lance says after a moment of silence.</p><p>Keith hums in response. "Allura didn't say something again, did she?" he asks.</p><p>Lance shakes his head, and Keith breathes a little easier. The morning after they'd spent the night at Keith's place, Lance had explained everything. His past with Nyma, his friendship with Allura, and the warning that Allura had issued to Lance. He knows they should both be more careful and take heed of her warning, but the time for that has long passed. Keith knows now that they're two souls, intertwined beyond separation.</p><h5>
  <em>Some may say these two are star-crossed.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They aren't. </em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They're a car crash, waiting to happen. </em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They're a train, running out of track.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They're destined to burn.</em>
</h5><p>"Well," Keith continues. "Whenever you're ready, I'm here."</p><p>Lance pulls away from Keith and smiles down at him. The smile slowly fades into Lance's classic smirk, and Keith closes his eyes. Lance leans down, kisses Keith long and slow once. And then again. And then once more.</p><p>And then his phone chimes.</p><p>Just like that, their bubble is burst.</p><p>With a huff, Lance pulls away and leans his forehead against Keith's. He digs into his pocket and pulls out his phone. Upside down, Keith makes out a text from Allura.</p><p>"You should go," Keith says. "We can't be too suspicious."</p><p>Lance lets out a long, sad sigh. "I know," he replies before pulling away and tucking his phone back into his pocket. "My place or yours tonight?"</p><p>Keith hums. "Mine? I want a bagel from that bakery down the street on 5th in the morning."</p><p>Always accommodating, Lance smiles. "Okay. I might be late. I think I've got to work a job. Be careful, okay?"</p><p>Keith nods. He leans forward and stands on his toes to kiss Lance again. "You leave first," he says when he pulls away.</p><p>Lance nods. "Okay, love you."</p><p>Before he can help himself, a warm smile spreads across Keith's face. "Love you, too. I'll see you later."</p><p>Lance leaves him a final smirk as he walks away. "Not if I see you first," he replies.</p><h5>
  <em>The fire is spreading. The fire is spreading.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They're going to burn.</em>
</h5>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! If you liked it, please comment, recommend it to your friends, give me a kudos, something to let me know you enjoyed it. Your notes fuel me. :D</p><p>I'll be updating on AO3 on Friday, 18 September.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. chapter 10: the ropes have been unbound</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"I have a proposition for you," Lance finally says, breaking away.</p><p>"Do you?" Keith asks, quirking his eyebrow in confusion. He looks so sweet that Lance has to lean forward and kiss him again. And kiss him once more. And kiss him once more.</p><p>With his eyes closed, Lance can fully lean into the idea that they are safe and happy and in love.</p><p>Keith breaks away with a small smile on his face. He looks away and bites his lip, a stupid lovesick look crawling across his face.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey hey hey, we're got a new update. It is a few days late.... Sorry. As if 2020 wasn't crazy enough, we had a hurricane come through, and my whole family stayed with me in one-bedroom apartment. </p><p>Anywho, enjoy the update!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>
<em>Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers</em><br/><em>Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters</em><br/><em>A man who's pure of heart and says his prayers by night</em><br/><em>May still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright</em>
</h3><h5>- Florence + The Machine, <em>Howl</em>
</h5><p> </p><p>Lance is foolish, but he aches for a simpler life.</p><p>He aches for a life where he met Keith in a bar like a normal person. Maybe, in this reality, they hit it off before he gave Keith his number before he left. They go on a couple dates before they fall into bed with each other, and they're in love, so in love. They have sensible jobs. Maybe Keith works in finance and Lance teaches. After a couple months, he takes Keith home and introduces him to his family. </p><p>And really, Lance can leave everything else. He can leave the meet-cute and the perfect first date and the sensible jobs, but the longer it goes on, the more Lance wants Keith to meet his family.</p><p>He thinks his mamá would fuss over how skinny he is while his papá showed him all the photographs Lance had taken as a child. Luis and Marco would force him outside for a shovel talk while they kicked around a soccer ball. Rachel would knit him a sweater every Christmas, and Veronica would text him to gossip. His nieces and nephews would climb all over him, and Keith would let them with a smile.</p><p>Oh, how Lance's heart <em>aches</em> for it.</p><h5>
  <em>He knows it's dangerous, but he can't help himself.</em>
</h5><p>Which is how Lance finds himself sneaking around the Galra shipping district at barely 11 in the morning. Keith had left Lance in his apartment early this morning, saying how he had to get down to the docks to get the recruits in order before their shipment at ten.</p><p>He'd kissed Lance goodbye and slipped out the door oh so quietly. Lance had laid in Keith's bed and found himself mentally decorating the place. Take down the blackout curtains, add some plants here, some photographs there, get a newer couch. And that train of thought had led him to his family, and suddenly, he was up and heading to the docks.</p><p>He had to find Keith then.</p><p>It's still early in the morning that most of the higher-ups aren't there, so he silently slips between shipping containers. From a safe distance away, he watches the shipment come in and sees Keith direct the recruits. He waits almost an hour before the recruits head out. While Keith stands in front of the empty container and flips through pages on a clipboard, Lance sneaks down and up behind him.</p><p>Carefully, he covers Keith's eyes.</p><p>"Guess who," he breathes into Keith's ear.</p><p>Keith whips around lightning fast. He first looks scared before the fear melts into something sweeter, something fonder. </p><p>"Lance," he whispers. "What're you doing here?"</p><p>Lance leans forward and kisses him once. "I wanted to see you," he replies before leaning forward for another kiss.</p><p>Keith presses his face into Lance's shoulder and leaves a sweet kiss to his neck. "You're being a dumbass," Keith whispers. "You need to go. You're going to get caught."</p><p>Lance is unable to stop the smirk spreading across his face. "They'd have to catch up to me first." It's cocky, sure, but he is just so consumed with Keith, Keith, <em>Keith</em>. For a brief second, he finds himself thinking that Keith's love would protect them.</p><h5>
  <em>Foolish.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Oh, so foolish.</em>
</h5><p>"I have a proposition for you," Lance finally says, breaking away.</p><p>"Do you?" Keith asks, quirking his eyebrow in confusion. He looks so sweet that Lance has to lean forward and kiss him again. And kiss him once more. And kiss him once more.</p><p>With his eyes closed, Lance can fully lean into the idea that they are safe and happy and <em>in love</em>. </p><p>Keith breaks away with a small smile on his face. He looks away and bites his lip, a stupid lovesick look crawling across his face.</p><h5>
  <em>Oh, how Lance loves him.</em>
</h5><p>"Come home with me," Lance requests.</p><p>Keith's eyebrows furrow in confusion. "Okay? We can stay at your place tonight. That's fine."</p><p>"No, no, not to my apartment," Lance says, shaking his head. "Come home with me. Come meet my family."</p><p>Keith's eyes blow wide. "Your family?" he stutters. "Lance, how would we—I mean, you haven't seen them in years. And you'd just show up? With me?"</p><p>Despite himself, Lance pictures that moment with Keith and his family again. His mamá's sweet smile, his papá's steady hand on Keith's shoulder, his brothers' laugh, Veronica's sly grin, Rachel's knowing eyes. He can see it so clearly.</p><h5>
  <em>But it's about to slip away.</em>
</h5><p>"Please, Keith?" he asks. "I want them to know you."</p><p>Keith's face softens all over. "Okay," he says. He leans in to kiss Lance again before pulling away. "We can—"</p><p>"Kogane!" </p><p>Both Lance and Keith freeze.</p><h5>
  <em>The train's reached the end of the track.</em>
</h5><p>Lance whips his head towards the sound and sees a towering figure coming around one of the crates. He's as tall as he is wide with an eye patch covering one eye and a prosthetic arm. </p><p>Suddenly, Lance starts to shiver.</p><p>"Sendak," Keith whispers as the blood drains from his face. "Oh god. Oh god. Lance, you've gotta—"</p><p>"Don't even say it," Lance spits out. "I'm not leaving you."</p><p>"Kogane!" Sendak yells again as he pulls out a gun. "What the fuck is happening here! That's the Altean sharpshooter!"</p><p>Keith darts to stand in front of Lance. He moves to pull the gun out his holster, but Keith's hand flies back and stops him. "Sendak, it's not what you think—" Keith tries to explain, but Sendak cuts him off as he releases the safety on his gun and points it directly at Lance. </p><p>"Oh really?" Sendak asks, finger over the trigger. "Because from what I see, you two are awfully <em>close</em>."</p><p>"Sendak, <em>please</em>," Keith begs.</p><p>"Lotor is going to <em>love</em> hearing this," Sendak replies. "His precious pet is fucking an <em>Altean</em>."</p><p>At this, Keith pulls his knife out of his waistband. "Leave him out of this," Keith says. "Let him go, Sendak, and you can take me to Lotor and tell him everything."</p><p>"Keith, <em>no</em>," Lance shouts. </p><p>"Or I could shoot you both and tell Lotor you were a <em>traitor</em>," Sendak says. "In fact, that sounds like the better plan… Maybe Lotor will see how useless—"</p><p>Before Lance can blink, Keith surges forward and tackles Sendak. </p><p>"Keith!" Lance shouts.</p><p>Lance can only watch as Keith grunts and grapples with Sendak. "Lance, <em>go</em>," Keith yells from underneath Sendak. He tries to kick at Sendak, but the other man overpowers Keith.</p><p>"I'm not leaving you!" he replies as he finally shakes the shock off and runs towards the wrestling men. "Keith, <em>move</em>, let me take the shot."</p><p>Instead of replying, Keith grunts again and manages to get a hand on Sendak's gun. He flings it across the ground, and Lance rushes to grab it. He stuffs it in his holster before rushing back and jumping into the fight, pulling on Sendak's legs in an attempt to get him off of Keith.</p><p>"You're <em>dead</em>, Kogane," Sendak says as he twists out of their grips. In the span of a breath, he's leaning over Keith. He pulls a smaller gun from his ankle holster and points it at Keith's head.</p><p>"No!" Lance shouts. He starts to move when he sees a flash of silver.</p><p>In the blink of an eye, Lance watches as Sendak's throat goes from intact to gushing blood.</p><p>For an endless minute, neither speaks. Blood pours out of Sendak's neck, and he struggles for breath while Lance and Keith heave loudly. Only when Sendak has gasped for the final time does one of them make a move, and it's Lance as he falls to his knees on the ground next to Sendak's body.</p><p>Lance stills remembers the <em>grief</em> he felt when his parents sat him down and told him Rachel was sick. He was angry and heartbroken and devastated. When he finally decided to join the Alteans, he did it because he never wanted to feel so helpless again.</p><p>But now, with the love of his life kneeling above a dead Galra member, Lance has never felt so <em>devastated.</em></p><p>"Keith," he gasps. "What have you <em>done</em>?"</p><p><em>What have I done, what have I done, </em>Lance thinks to himself. <em>I came here even though I knew it was dangerous. I ruined us</em>.</p><p>For the first time, Keith looks up from Sendak's body and meets Lance's eyes. His face is splattered with the blood of the body below him, and his eyes are far away, so far away from Lance.</p><p>"What I had to do," he says with no emotion.</p><p>It's chaos.</p><p>It's <em>betrayal</em>.</p><p>It's dangerous.</p><p>It's <em>suicide</em>.</p><p>They've gone too far.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! If you liked it, please comment, recommend it to your friends, give me a kudos, something to let me know you enjoyed it. Your notes fuel me. :D</p><p>I'll be updating on AO3 on Monday, 28 September.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. chapter 11: i'll be your slaughterhouse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's been years since that happened, and Keith had gotten tougher, gotten harder. He never thought he'd have to experience that again.</p><p>But, as he scrubs Sendak's blood off his hands and face in his bathroom with Lance sitting on his bed in the other room, he's once again reminded of that moment, of that woman.</p><p>He's lost something again, and the blood on his hands feels like his and Lance's.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>
<em>                                                                                          you can't get it</em><br/>
<em>                  out of me, and with this bullet lodged in my chest,</em><br/>
<em>covered with your name, I will turn myself into a gun, because I'm hungry<br/>
and hollow and just want something to call my own. I'll be your<br/>
                  slaughterhouse, your killing floor, your morgue<br/>
</em><em>and final resting, walking around with this bullet inside me like the bullet<br/>
was already there, like it's been waiting inside me the whole time.</em>
</h3><h5>- Richard Siken, <em>Wishbone</em>
</h5><p> </p><p>Keith remembers his first kill like it was yesterday.</p><p>He'd been tasked to kill a young secretary in the police department. Keith wasn't sure what she'd done, but she had turned over some rock that she should have just left alone. </p><p>He was barely 18, but Lotor had wanted to test him out sooner rather than later. He trailed this woman for the better part of two days before he finally cornered her in an alley. She'd cried and begged for her life, but Keith had only thought of his desperate need for freedom as he dragged the knife in a jagged line across her throat. In the dark of the night, he dumped her body in the bottom of a ship in the Galra docks and rushed to the water. </p><p>With the moon high over the water, he'd scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed to get the blood off his hands, but no matter what he did, he felt the warm stickiness all over him. Over and over again, he pictured her sobs as she begged for him to not kill her. Eventually, he broke, and he'd sobbed on that dock, mourning for something that he didn't quite know if he'd ever had. </p><p>It's been years since that happened, and Keith had gotten tougher, gotten harder. He never thought he'd have to experience that again.</p><p>But, as he scrubs Sendak's blood off his hands and face in his bathroom with Lance sitting on his bed in the other room, he's once again reminded of that moment, of that woman.</p><p>He's lost something again, and the blood on his hands feels like his and Lance's.</p><p>With an angry shout, he bangs his hands on his bathroom counter, water and soap flying everywhere.</p><p>"Keith?" Lance calls before appearing in the bathroom a second later. He's still shivering, his hand shaky as he reaches out to cup Keith's cheek. Keith doesn't know if Lance realizes he's shaking, but he hasn't stopped since Sendak found them hours ago. "What is it?" he asks.</p><p>"We're <em>ruined</em>, Lance," he replies, angry and bitter.</p><p>He should have known, <em>God</em>, he should have known. He should have known they would only end in flames, that they were risking everything to be together.</p>
<h5>
  <em>But he did know.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>He did.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>He still chose Lance.</em>
</h5><p>"Keith," Lance says, his voice broken and his eyes watery. "Keith, I'm so so—"</p><p>Quickly, he brings his hand up to press against Lance's on his cheek. "No, Lance, no," he replies. "Don't say it. This isn't your fault."</p><p>"It's not your fault either," Lance whispers.</p><p>With a heavy sigh, he sinks down to sit on the cool tile floor, his back against the counter. He leans his head back until it hits the hard wood with a heavy thunk. Lance sits beside him and reaches across to hold his hand. Keith squeezes it once.</p><p>"What're we going to do?" he finally asks.</p><p>Lance doesn't say anything, chewing on his bottom lip. He's been doing that since they ran from the docks, Sendak's body out where anyone could easily hide it. There was no use hiding it.</p><p>"I have… an idea," Lance says after minutes pass in silence. </p><p>At this, Keith leans forward. "What is it?" he asks.</p><p>Lance swallows once before he looks away from Keith. "You should defect."</p><p>"I mean, I pretty much did that when I slit Sendak's throat open."</p><p>At this, Lance winces. "No, I mean, defect and come to Altea," Lance explains. "Tell them you are rebelling against the Galra and that you killed a general. Give up any intel you have. Ask for sanctuary."</p><p>"This is a <em>gang</em>, Lance," Keith says. "Not a fucking church. Why would they give me sanctuary?"</p><p>"I don't fucking know, Keith," Lance replies, clearly upset. "But I don't know what else to do! The Galra will kill you when they find out you killed Sendak. We can't run away because they'll find us and kill us. And we can't— I, I can't <em>give you up</em>."</p><p>Suddenly, tears are spilling over Lance's cheek.</p><p>Keith's heart breaks all over again. "You should," Keith says. </p><p>Lance shakes his head no, resolute in his decision. He doesn't say anything else.</p><p>With a sigh, Keith looks at the situation from all the angles. He hates to admit it, but Lance is right. This is the only chance they have to make it out of this situation alive and together.</p><p>"Okay," Keith says finally. "Okay, I'll… I'll turn myself into the Alteans."</p><p>Within one breath and the next, Lance surges forward and wraps Keith in his arms.</p><p>"Thank you," he whispers.</p><p>"This will work, right?" Keith asks.</p>
<h5>
<em>Wrong</em>.</h5><p>"It <em>has</em> to, Keith," Lance replies against his neck. "It has to."</p><p>✸　·　　　　　　　　　　✵　　　　　　　　　✧　　★·*　</p><p>A calm washes over Keith as he walks from his apartment to the Altean mansion.</p><p>He's spent so much of his life running. Running after a family. Running from foster homes. Running for the Galra. He hasn't stopped his whole life.</p><p>That is, until Lance found him.</p><p>He knows this plan is foolish. He knows that he's not going to make it out alive.</p><p>But he finds it doesn't matter.</p>
<h5>
<em>Because Lance is safe</em>.</h5><h5>
<em>That's all that matters</em>.</h5><p>He turns onto the Altean's street and immediately senses a tail behind him. Makes sense. He's a Galra member walking into enemy territory.</p><p>God, he's being so foolish.</p><p>He turns into the Altean garden, and for just a moment, is taken aback by the beauty of this place. Logically, Keith knows this place is like a rotting rose—beautiful on the outside but dying on the inside—but he is drawn to the budding flowers, the whisper of the fountain, the feeling of the brick under his feet.</p><p>And then, he's surrounded.</p><p>Altean guards circle around him. He puts his hands up as a sign of peace. One rushes to pat him down, but he finds nothing.</p><p>"Galra scum," someone spits at him. "What are you doing here?"</p><p>"I need to speak to Alfor Altea," he says, careful and measured.</p><p>"For what?" another guard asks.</p><p>"I have information on the Galra gang he may find interesting," he replies.</p><p>The guards share a look. They've patted him down for weapons and come up empty, but he wants to speak to the leader. They're clearly sharing looks and a silent conversation.</p><p>"I killed a Galra General," he says as an added measure.</p><p>They usher him inside.</p><p>°　　　·　.　　*　　　　　　✵　·°.　　　　　　°　　</p><p>"Mr. Kogane, is it?" Alfor asks when he finally decides to grace Keith with his presence after he's spent what feels like hours sitting in his stuffy office.</p><p>He comes in and sits at a large leather chair. His daughter Allura follows behind him, but her eyes blow wide when she sees Keith sitting in her father's office.</p><p>Ah, so they know who he is.</p><p>Great.</p><p>"Yes," Keith replies.</p><p>"My guards tell me that you have information that may be pertinent to me," Alfor says.</p><p>"Yes, sir," Keith answers before taking a breath. "I worked as a Galra informant for ten years, and I've been their preferred hitman for the last eight."</p><p>"So you're the one who murdered Councilman Iverson," Alfor muses.</p><p>For the first time, his stomach drops. Allura's eyes grow impossibly wider, and that confirms Keith's gut feeling that this isn't going to be good for Lance.</p><p>"Yes, I was ordered to by—" he says, but Alfor cuts him off.</p><p>"Let me stop you there, boy," Alfor says as he stands. "You come to the Alteans to defect, but I don't buy it. I know why you're really here."</p><p>As Alfor walks around his desk to come stand in front of Keith, a heavy rock sinks in Keith's belly. He can only think of Lance and how he's damned him, damned another person he loves.</p>
<h5>
  <em>Even now…</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Even as Keith's world falls around him…</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>His main concern is still Lance.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>It's chaos.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>It's betrayal.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>It's dangerous.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>It's suicide.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Keith has no other choice.</em>
</h5><p>"You killed a Galra general, yes," Alfor continues. "But you have failed to mention that you killed Sendak, the general who essentially acts as Zarkon's second-in-command."</p><p>Keith feels uneasy from the relief that flows through his veins. "Yes, sir, I did."</p><p>"You are a traitor to your own kind," Alfor says. "They cared for you for a decade, and you are selling them out after making one mistake. You lack <em>loyalty</em>, son."</p><p>"Father," Allura tries to say, but Alfor silences her with a raised hand.</p><p>"I would never want someone as traitorous and as pathetic as you, Keith Kogane," Alfor snarls out. In the back of his mind, Keith wonders how Alfor knew his first name, but he's brought back to the present by the Altean leader placing his hands on the arms of Keith's chair. "You are no use to me except to make an example out of you."</p><p>"Father, just let the Galra take care of him," Allura states, but again, Alfor ignores her.</p><p>"Tomorrow morning, Keith Kogane," Alfor says. "You will be executed in front of my members."</p>
<h5>
  <em>You may have thought Keith and Lance were star-crossed.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They weren't. </em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They're a car crash, on fire on the side of the road. </em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They're a train, crashing into the cold water below.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They're burning.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They were destined to.</em>
</h5>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Alright, I'm going to be updating daily from here until the END OF THE STORY. It's a bumpy road ahead.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. chapter 12: empty as the sky</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Every part of the apartment feels tainted with Keith, and Lance can't go anywhere else. He's trapped by his fear and guilt…</p><p>He's never felt guilt like this before.</p><p>Keith's in danger, and it's all his fault. He was foolish, selfish, careless, and Keith is going to pay for it.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I mean........... This year just keep throwing me curveballs, y'all.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>
<em>This will be my last confession</em> <em><br/>
</em> <em>"I love you" never felt like any blessing</em> <em><br/>
</em> <em>Oh</em><br/>
<em>Whispering like it's a secret</em> <em></em><br/>
 <em>Only to condemn the one who hears it</em> <em><br/>
</em> <em>With a heavy heart</em>
</h3>
<h5>- Florence + The Machine, <em>Heavy in Your Arms</em>
</h5><p> </p><p>Lance tries to concentrate on other things, he really does. He goes to his apartment while Keith goes to the Altean mansion all on his own. He paces around and tries to stay busy, but everything in his apartment reminds him of Keith.</p><p>The blankets thrown on the couch that Keith is always curled up in because Lance's apartment is cold.</p><p>The iced coffee that Keith likes in the fridge because Lance likes to buy things that Keith enjoys.</p><p>The plant that Keith had brought over one night in a bright, blue pot because he saw it on a job and thought the blue looked like Lance's eyes.</p><p>Lance's bedroom where they first whispered that they loved each other.</p><p>Every part of the apartment feels tainted with Keith, and Lance can't go anywhere else. He's trapped by his fear and guilt…  </p><p>He's never felt guilt like this before.</p><p>Keith's in danger, and it's all his fault. He was foolish, selfish, careless, and Keith is going to pay for it.</p><p>It feels like hours pass while he paces around his apartment, desperate for Keith to show up, for someone to contact him, for Allura to text him. He's not sure what he's waiting for, but he knows deep down that he'll know if… if something <em> happens </em> to Keith.</p><p>Outside, the day fades into night, and still Lance has heard nothing. He's almost ready to leave his house in a hurry, run to the Altean mansion, demand answers when…</p><p>Someone knocks on his front door.</p><p>"It's Keith," he whispers as he races across the living room. His heart stutters as he undoes the locks, and he flings the door open, ready to take Keith into his arms.</p><p>But Keith's not there.</p><p>"Allura," he says.</p><p>"Lance, it's Keith," she replies in lieu of a greeting.</p><p>His knees buckle under him, and he falls to the floor. She kneels down next to him and places a gentle hand on his arm. "Allura," he begs. "Please, tell me he's not dead. Tell me he's alive."</p><p>"He's not dead yet, Lance, but it's not good," she replies.</p><p>He lifts his head up to meet her gaze. "Wh-what?" he asks.</p><p>"He's not dead, Lance," she repeats, her own eyes filling with tears. "But Father, he's going to make an example out of him. In the morning."</p><p>"So he's still alive?" Lance says, feeling hopeful for the first time in hours. "I can, I can<em> go </em> to him."</p><p>"Yes, that's why I'm here," she says as she stands and sticks out her hand to pull him up. "Father went out and left me on guard for him. Pidge is seeing over him now, but you deserve to see him before… before—"</p><p>"Allura, it doesn't matter," Lance replies as he grabs his phone, keys, wallet, and gun. He ushers them both out the door, and they head down the hallway to the main entrance. "I have time. I can save him still."</p>
<h5>
  <em>Lance does not see the look of pity that Allura shoots him.</em>
</h5><p>　☆　　　·　　　　°　·　　☆　　.　　　　　*　°　☆</p><p>Allura and Lance head to the basement where the Galra holding cells are. There, the small tech genius for the Alteans, Pidge, plays on her computer while sitting next to a cell holding—</p><p>"Keith," Lance breathes. Immediately, Keith's head shoots up, and his eyes blow wide. Lance rushes toward the cell, falling down on his knees by the bars as he reaches through to grab Keith's hands, which shoot out to meet his. Distantly, he realizes that Allura and Pidge are leaving them alone.</p><p>"Lance," Keith replies as his eyes dart across Lance's face. "What are you doing here?"</p><p>"Allura told me, and I had to see you. What happened?" he asks.</p><p>Keith shakes his head. "The plan got messed up," he explains. "They know I killed Sendak. They think I’m planning a coup, and they don’t want to get involved. Alfor said… Alfor said they’re going to kill me in the morning."</p><p>"No!" Lance whispers urgently. "They can't."</p><p>"Lance, listen to me."</p><p>"No. No!" Lance continues as he squeezes Keith's hands harder. "They’re going to kill you, Keith. We have to get you out of here."</p><p>"How?" Keith asks, desperate. "They know you're in here right now. If you take me out of here, they're going to know." </p><p>"No. No. I did this to us," Lance explains as he lets go of one of Keith's hands and reaches through the bars. He places it gently on Keith's cheek, and Keith brings his hand up to hold Lance's. "But I’m not going to let them take you from me."</p><p>"Lance, love, listen to me," Keith whispers. "You didn't do anything. I would choose you every time. I killed Sendak. I’m not letting you take the fall for me. I can't be the man you love if you let me sneak out of here." He pauses, and Lance's eyes fill with tears. "You… you made me better. I can't imagine my life without you."</p><p>Keith's eyes fill with tears now, too. They say nothing, but quiet sniffles float through the air.</p>
<h5>
  <em>They're out of time.</em>
</h5><p>Keith reaches through the bars and wipes the tears on Lance's face. "Go," he says with a small, sad smile on his face. "Get out of here before they kill you, too."</p><p>Lance doesn't have control over his tears now as he sobs and shakes. "I can't," Lance cries. "I can't <em> leave </em> you."</p><p>"Please," Keith begs. "I need you to live. Live for me, Lance. Get out of here." Carefully, he brings one of Lance's hands up to his mouth, and he places a soft kiss there. "I love you, Lance. You're the best thing that ever happened to me."</p><p>Lance leans his head against the bars and begs for a way out, but deep down, he knows Keith is right. They're out of time.</p><p>"I love you, too," he whispers, bringing Keith's hand up to his mouth to place a gentle kiss there. "So much."</p>
<h5>
  <em>Under different circumstances, these could have been wedding vows.</em>
</h5><p>Lance stands up and wipes the tears from his face. He turns and spares one last glance at Keith.</p><p><em> Oh </em>, how he loves him. His violet eyes bright with unshed tears. His dark hair plastered to his face. His small smile. His steady hands wrapped around the bars of his cell.</p><p>"It's okay," Keith whispers. "Go."</p><p>Lance nods once and races out of the cell before he can turn back and lock himself in there with Keith.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! If you liked it, please comment, recommend it to your friends, give me a kudos, something to let me know you enjoyed it. Your notes fuel me. :D</p><p>I'll be updating hopefully in the next few days, barring that 2020 doesn't decide to be a jerk again.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. chapter 13: as long as i'm yours</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>From where he kneels in the center of the garden, Keith looks up and meets Lance's eyes. His hands are tied behind his back, and he's surrounded by a horde of enemy guards. Still, the son of a bitch manages to throw a small smile towards Lance, and it takes everything he has to not crumple to the ground.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>
<em>If I fall short, if I break rank</em><br/><em>It's a bloodsport, but I understand</em><br/><em>I am all yours, I am unmanned</em><br/><em>I'm on all fours, willingly damned</em><br/><br/><em>Loving you's a bloodsport</em><br/><em>Fighting in a love war</em>
</h3><h5>- Raleigh Ritchie, <em>Bloodsport ‘15</em>
</h5><p> </p><p>Lance feels numb inside.</p><p>He's called to the garden at dawn the next morning. He couldn't sleep at all the night before, so he found himself on the rooftop where he first saw Keith.</p><p>He remembers the first time those indigo eyes full of fire pinned him down. He remembers the sure hands that held a knife to his throat. He tries to remember the happier times, like laughing while they made breakfast or holding each other after sex or just spending time together. It's useless—he can only think of how they started now that it's all about to end. </p><p>Their initial meeting… it feels like a lifetime ago. What he would give for a chance to go back, for a chance to see him again, to save him again.</p><h5>
  <em>But oh, time is not on their side now.</em>
</h5><p>The morning dew clings to the delicate flower petals as he walks through the gate. Much like the morning where he watched Alfor murder Nyma, there is such a tragic beauty in this deadly garden. He played with Allura in this garden. He realized Keith was more than just a fling to him in this garden. He's lost so much here, and now he's going to lose the most important person he's ever loved.</p><p>Last time, he thought he was going to pay for loving Keith with his life.</p><p>And now… Keith is going to do it.</p><p>It's so <em>unfair</em>.</p><p>Alfor stands with his back to the trickling fountain with Allura standing at his right side, her head downcast. Lance sees a dozen guards surrounding someone kneeling on the ground. </p><p><em>Keith</em>.</p><p>Oh, how Lance's heart stops.</p><p>"Mr. McClain," Alfor calls as Lance approaches the group. "Nice of you to join us."</p><p>From where he kneels in the center of the garden, Keith looks up and meets Lance's eyes. His hands are tied behind his back, and he's surrounded by a horde of enemy guards. Still, the son of a bitch manages to throw a small smile towards Lance, and it takes everything he has to not crumple to the ground.</p><p>That's the love of Lance's life, and he's about to lose him.</p><h5>
  <em>They were never soulmates, you see.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They're a car crash, on fire on the side of the road. </em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They're a train, crashing into the cold water below.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They're burning.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They're burning.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They're burning.</em>
</h5><p>"Well, we can finally begin now that everyone is here," Alfor states when Lance has finally taken his spot at Alfor's left hand. "Keith Kogane, you kneel before us as a threat to the Altean family. Do you agree?"</p><p>Keith breaks eye contact with Lance, something Lance hadn't even noticed until those violet eyes weren't on him. "No, sir. I offer myself up as a Galra informant for you," Keith says, trying desperately to once again take control of the situation.</p><p>"Ah, yes," Alfor says as he pulls out a gun from his holster. "And tell me exactly how I'm supposed to trust you."</p><p>At this, Keith says nothing. They both know it doesn't matter what he says—Alfor wants him dead.</p><p>"Well then, Keith Kogane," Alfor says when Keith has no response. "You better pray to your God and beg Him for mercy. I'm sure not going to show you any."</p><p>He points the gun at Keith's head.</p><p>There's a click of the safety unlocking.</p><p>Keith's violet, bright eyes dive back to Lance's.</p><p><em>I love you</em>, Keith mouths to Lance.</p><p>And then…</p><p>Lance is moving towards Keith.</p><p>It's chaos.</p><p>It's <em>betrayal</em>.</p><p>It's dangerous.</p><p>It's <em>suicide</em>.</p><p>But Lance finally knows where he belongs.</p><p>Between one breath and the next, he runs to Keith and shields Keith with his own body. He wraps Keith in his arms, tucks his face into his neck, clutches Keith's body to his. Carefully, he places one hand on the knots bound around Keith's wrists.</p><p>"If you're killing him," Lance states as Alfor stares in astonishment. "You have to go through me first."</p><p>For a moment, no one says anything. The only sound to be heard is the fountain's crashing water.</p><p>Allura speaks first.</p><p>"Lance," she says. "What are you doing?"</p><p>And for once, Lance is sure. </p><p>"I can't let you do this," he says to Alfor, ignoring Allura's question.</p><p>Alfor's grey eyes cloud with anger. "Step aside, son," he gruffly says.</p><p>In the pocket of warm skin against his neck, Keith begs, "Lance."</p><p>"No," he says to Alfor. He ignores Keith, or maybe his reply answers them both. </p><p>Allura steps closer, reaching her hand out to Lance. "Please don't do this, Lance, <em>please</em>," she begs.</p><p>Again, he offers no reply but, "No."</p><p>Below his chin, Lance can feel wetness falling from Keith's eyes. "Lance, <em>please</em>…" he begs again. </p><p>Alfor steps closer to Lance and shakes the gun at him. "Why are you doing this!?" he yells in anger. "You are throwing your life away! You're betraying us for this Galra scum. Do you know what this—"</p><p>"<em>I love him!</em>" Lance shouts into the garden.</p><p>His declaration echoes across the garden.</p><p>No one moves.</p><p>No one speaks.</p><p>"I love him," Lance repeats, softer this time but still as angry and forceful and true. So, so true.</p><p>Keith presses his forehead into Lance's collarbone, hard hard hard. Allura covers her mouth with her hands. The anger fades from Alfor's face to be replaced with a cold, hard stare.</p><p>He's ready.</p><p>Lance looks away and brings his head to rest against Keith's. He grips the knots at Keith's hands.</p><p>He's ready.</p><p>He hears the click of the trigger.</p><p>He's ready.</p><p>"I'm disappointed in you, son," Alfor says.</p><p>Lance closes his eyes, and he sees flashes.</p><h5>
  <em>You hit my cheek, dumbass.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Why haven't you killed me?</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Keith. My name is Keith Kogane.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>I wanted to see you. It's… been a few days.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Take me, Lance.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>I'll wait for you.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>I'd leave it all behind for you.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Whenever you're ready, I'm here.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>I can't imagine my life without you.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>I love you. </em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>I love you.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>I love you. </em>
</h5><p>"I love you," he whispers now to Keith, to the one who pulled him from the darkness, to the one who saved him in more ways than one.</p><p>He's ready for the end, but instead…</p><p>Keith breaks free.</p><p>It <em>worked</em>. </p><p>Lance managed to untangle the knots, and Keith shoots up after grabbing the gun from Lance's ankle holster. Lance follows him while Alfor yells for the guards to attack.</p><p>They stand back-to-back against a horde of Altean guards, one pissed off mob boss, and the daughter of said mob boss.</p><p>It's them against the world.</p><p>Both of them smile.</p><p>Do they live?</p><p>Do they die?</p><p>Does it matter?</p><h5>
  <em>They were never soulmates, you see.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They were meant to defy the odds.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They were meant to look Death in the eye and laugh.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They're burning.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They're burning.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They're burning.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They're an inferno.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>But they're going down together.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>That's the morale of the story.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They were always meant to go down together.</em>
</h5>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! If you liked it, please comment, recommend it to your friends, give me a kudos, something to let me know you enjoyed it. Your notes fuel me. :D</p><p>I'll be updating hopefully in the next few days, barring that 2020 doesn't decide to be a jerk again.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. chapter 14: there are criminals everywhere</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Keith and Lance stand back to back as they turn in circles. They're a ruthless team, gunning down anyone who dares to come close to the other. Before they know it, they've fatally shot five of the Altean guards, but they've taken hits, too.</p><p>Lance hears Keith shout, and he catches a flash of red on Keith's cheek when he dares to look back. A stray bullet must have grazed his cheek, and the blood drips, reminiscent of the first time they met.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well, this is the last real chapter, everyone! I hope you all enjoy it. It's been an honor to write and tell this story.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>
  <em>                         It's love or it isn't. It isn't over.<br/>
You're in a car. You’re in the weeds again. You're on a bumpy road<br/>
            and there are criminals everywhere,<br/>
                                                longing for danger.</em>
</h3><h5>- Richard Siken, <em>The Dislocated Room</em>
</h5><p> </p>
<h5>
  <em>It's chaos.</em>
</h5><p>Keith and Lance stand back to back as they turn in circles. They're a <em>ruthless</em> team, gunning down anyone who dares to come close to the other. Before they know it, they've fatally shot five of the Altean guards, but they've taken hits, too. </p><p>Lance hears Keith shout, and he catches a flash of red on Keith's cheek when he dares to look back. A stray bullet must have grazed his cheek, and the blood drips, reminiscent of the first time they met.</p>
<h5>
  <em>It's betrayal.</em>
</h5><p>Lance sees Alfor take aim at Keith again, and he throws his shoulder into Keith's, causing them to both turn. Lance has a perfect shot at Alfor, and without hesitating, he pulls the trigger.</p><p>The bullet strikes him right in the chest, and he falls with a shout. Allura yells and falls on her knees at his side.</p><p>Lance pushes against Keith again, causing them to turn again.</p><p>He can't bear to watch Allura cry.</p>
<h5>
  <em>It's dangerous.</em>
</h5><p>They're outnumbered, still. The Altean guards seem to be charging from every direction, but they keep going.</p><p>Another shot.</p><p>Another yell.</p><p>Another spray of blood.</p><p>Against his back, Lance can feel Keith breathing deeply. But he's still breathing, and that knowledge keeps him going, keeps him pulling the trigger, keeps him fighting.</p>
<h5>
  <em>It's suicide.</em>
</h5><p>Out of the corner of his eye, Keith turns without Lance for just a moment.</p><p>Lance sees an Altean guard—the <em>last</em> Altean guard standing—notice Keith's unguarded back. He aims for Keith's back and pulls the trigger. </p><p>"No!" Lance yells before he <em>dives</em>, covering Keith's back with his own. He cries out as the bullet intended for Keith hits his spine, and he falls hard and fast, his back on fire.</p><p>Distantly, Lance hears Keith yell, hears the last Altean guard fall, but he can't think through the pain.</p><p>　　　　✧　　　.　　　·　　　　✶　•　•°.　　　°✧　</p><p>"Hey," Keith whispers as he holds the only thing he's ever held dear to his chest. "Hey, you with me?"</p>
<h5>
  <em>it's not right it's not right it's not right</em>
</h5><p>Lance lets out a pained groan as a reply. He's in pain, but somehow, he reaches out for Keith's hand, grips it the best he can, stains it with red red blood.</p>
<h5>
  <em>not them not them not them</em>
</h5><p>"What were you <em>thinking</em>?" Keith begs as he grips Lance impossibly tighter, as he squeezes his hand until he feels the bones shift. His chest is tight, and he struggles to breathe properly, can't pull air into his lungs, isn't sure if his lungs are even <em>working</em>. Distantly, he can hear the city waking up, and he knows he needs to move.</p><p>But, he can't <em>move</em> without Lance. His legs wouldn't work, his arms wouldn't move, his <em>heart</em> won't pump blood unless Lance was there to help him. </p><p>Lance lets out a laugh that's not really a laugh. It's more of a sound that is supposed to sound like a laugh, but really, he can't get in the right air to make it sound right. "I was thinking that I had to cover your back," he answers.</p>
<h5>
<em>not </em>him<em>. do you hear me?</em>  </h5><p>Carnage surrounds them. They were outnumbered, but they had something stronger than any brute strength that the Altean guards had. Somehow, they managed to kill or maim all of the guards who surrounded them… </p><p>And Alfor…</p><p>Across the courtyard, Allura kneels at her father's body. Keith knows she's been sobbing, but he stopped hearing her the second Lance's limp body hit the pavement. </p><p>
  <em>Lance</em>
</p><p>A lump forms in his throat, and tears well in his eyes. He blinks them away, trying to appear calm, trying to keep his vision clear.</p><p>"Hey," Lance says, bringing Keith's attention back to those blue, blue eyes. Keith wills the loud ringing in his ears to stop, to silence, just so he can hear what Lance is saying. "I want to look at you, okay?" he whispers, tired and exhausted. He smirks, and it <em>hurts</em> Keith because it reminds Keith of another time, when they were younger and smarter and new and… and… </p>
<h5>
  <em>A wicked smirk pins him down.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</h5><p>"Lance," he whispers. "We gotta get you out of here." He presses his hand against the wound in Lance's back. </p><p>Warm, sticky blood coats his hand.</p><p>The blood on his hands is <em>Lance's</em>.</p><p>There's a bullet in Lance's back, and God, it's all his fault. He should have been watching, he should have been paying attention.</p><p>Lance shakes his head, smiling a sad smile at Keith. "It's not worth it, Keith," he says. "Listen to me. Listen. Tell my family I loved them."</p><p>"No," Keith replies. "<em>No</em>, okay? You're going to tell them. We're going to tell them <em>together</em>."</p><p>"Keith, we don't have time," Lance says, but Keith cuts him off. </p><p>"When you take me to meet them," Keith continues as if Lance hadn't even spoken. "I'm going to tell them how much I love you. You just gotta hang on, okay?"</p><p>"I'm sorry," Lance whispers.</p><p>"Don't leave me," Keith begs. "I can't be alone, Lance, <em>please</em>."</p><p>"Keith, you said—" Lance starts, but his body is wracked with a cough. He breathes deeply as Keith clings to him, feels blood drip down his arm. "You said," Lance continues. "You said I was the best thing that ever happened to you. Keith—"</p><p>"No, don't say it, Lance, just, tell me <em>later</em>," he begs.</p><p>"Keith," Lance says, a strength in his voice that seems impossible.</p><p>And finally, <em>finally</em>, they both stop for a second.</p><p>Blue eyes meet indigo.</p>
<h5>
  <em>Time was never on their side, you see.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Not now.</em>
</h5><p>Slowly, Keith gets a better grip on Lance's hand and their fingers lace together.</p><p>Tears drip down Keith's nose and plop plop plop onto Lance's shirt.</p><p>A sad smile crosses Lance's face.</p><p>"You're the best thing that ever happened to me," Lance whispers. "I love you."</p><p>Keith nods tearfully in response. "I love you," he replies. "Thank you for saving me. Over and over again." Keith closes his eyes, and he sees flashes.</p>
<h5>
  <em>That was my fucking mark, you asshole.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Now, what're you going to do with me?</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Hey, Hotshot. What're you doing here?</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>I need you to come home with me. I need to know it's real.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>I've got you. Trust me.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>I'll be back before you know it.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>You're my family, too.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Be careful, okay?</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>I can't give you up.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>I love you.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>I love you.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>I love you.</em>
</h5><p>Carefully, Keith brings Lance's body close to his so they rest chest to chest. Lance is bleeding out, and when all the blood in his body has run dry, Keith is going to find the nearest bullet and put it through his skull.</p><p>They'll be together no matter what.</p>
<h5>
  <em>Lance, filled to the brim with affection that's finally found a home.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Keith, discovering and growing in love in a quiet, unnamed way.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>Between them, devotion blossoms like a flower, beautiful and fleeting.</em>
</h5><p>"Keith," someone says, someone who isn't Lance.</p><p>Carefully, Keith lifts his head up from where it was buried in Lance's chest.</p><p>Before him stands Allura Altea. She's covered in her father's blood, her hair is messy around her, and the sun beams behind her head.</p><p>In some deep part of his heart, Keith believes that Lance is finally gone, and he's been clinging to a body that's gone cold.</p><p>But, then he feels breathing that isn't his own.</p>
<h5>
  <em>There's still time.</em>
</h5><p>"Keith, can I see his back?" she asks as she crouches down.</p><p>Instinctively, Keith jerks back, arms tight around Lance as he brings his body with him. He feels like a wild animal, but he refuses to give up any time he has left with Lance. </p><p>"It's okay," Lance murmurs. "Let her see."</p><p>Carefully, Keith moves the hand covering the wound on Lance's back so Allura can get to it.</p><p>She hums in understanding as she pokes and prods. Lance shudders and shivers into Keith's shoulder, to the point that Keith is ready to shoo Allura away when she stands up and wipes the blood on her hands on her pants.</p><p>"There's still time," she says as she pulls out her cellphone.</p>
<h5>
  <em>They were meant to defy the odds.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They were meant to look Death in the eye and laugh.</em>
</h5><p>"Wh-what?" Keith asks, confused.</p><p>"The bullet hit his spine," she says as she types something on her phone. "He's bleeding out, but we need to hurry and get him in an operating room."</p><p>"He's, he's not—" Keith stutters, hope threatening to tear his heart out or give it new life.</p><p>Allura stoops down to meet Keith's eyes. "He can live, but we have to hurry," she states plainly.</p><p>In a split second, Keith's heart starts beating double time. He feels light-headed, but he takes a deep breath and focuses.</p><p>"I'm going to make a couple calls and get him in a hospital," she continues. </p><p>"Are you helping us?" he asks, wild and confused, struggling to put the pieces together.</p><p>She smiles at him then, sad and small. There's something there, in her smile. Something like a lost memory or a missed opportunity. Whatever it is, she's clearly made up her mind. "Yes, we're getting you two out of this town," she finally says.</p><p>For the first time since he'd tucked Lance into his collarbone, he pulls Lance back to look him in the eyes.</p><p>Indigo eyes meet blue.</p><p>"There's time?" he asks weakly.</p><p>Keith nods.</p><p>And for once, they feel something they haven't felt in years, in a lifetime, in all the moments they've had together since that fateful night all those months ago in that dark alley.</p>
<h5>
  <em>It's a promise.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>It's devotion.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>It's love.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>It's hope.</em>
</h5><h5>
  <em>They feel hope.</em>
</h5>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hang tight, everyone. The epilogue should be up in the next few minutes!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. epilogue: those dizzy stargazers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>From her vantage point in a sleek car across the street, she watches two men work in an overflowing garden in the front yard. One is shirtless, tan and kissed by the sun within the exception of a small scar splattered across his lower back, almost like a supernova. The other is pale in comparison, but he lights up when the tan one comes to hand him a cold drink and drops a kiss on his cheek. In the waning afternoon light, the sun glints off gold bands nestled on their left ring fingers as they pass a shovel between the two of them.</p><p>Lance and Keith. </p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h3>
  <em>There's no walls and no ceilings as far as I know<br/>
Just the echoes of scars and the unbeaten road<br/>
Trip the gun on cautions that I've been sold<br/>
'Cause it's hard to believe that it's wrong<br/>
To want more than the truest of blue and a love like a roar<br/>
I will run to wherever I want to go</em>
</h3>
<h5>- Ryn Weaver, <em>New Constellations</em>
</h5><p> </p><p>It's been a few months since Allura had the chance to make it upstate.</p><p>Disbanding the Altean Empire has not been easy, but she's managed with the help of some Galra forces, some who even surprised her.</p><p>Soon, the city will be free of all gang activity. </p><p>She smiles, imagining that day. There will be a day when the city—the city where she grew up, where she found love and lost it, where she discovered the joy of life again—is free and safe. No longer will loved ones be torn apart by senseless violence in an equally senseless war.</p><p>Allura has these two to thank.</p><p>From her vantage point in a sleek car across the street, she watches two men work in an overflowing garden in the front yard. One is shirtless, tan and kissed by the sun within the exception of a small scar splattered across his lower back, almost like a supernova. The other is pale in comparison, but he lights up when the tan one comes to hand him a cold drink and drops a kiss on his cheek. In the waning afternoon light, the sun glints off gold bands nestled on their left ring fingers as they pass a shovel between the two of them.</p><p>Lance and Keith. </p><p>Allura is supposed to sneak up here for dinner soon, having promised them both weeks ago to come up and see them, but she had a really good day and felt the need to see how her favorite boys were doing.</p><p>They are fine, like always. Happy, even. In this modest house, they created a home so full of love and happiness that it takes Allura's breath away every time she visits. Lance's photographs of his family with Keith hang on the wall, Keith carved them a beautiful kitchen table in the first year after they moved out here, and their dog Kosmo has a matching food and water bowl set. Flowers and plants grow like wild things all over the house, almost as if they cannot control their growth when that much love surrounds them.</p><p>It's domestic.</p><p>And perfect for them.</p><p>Allura has made so many mistakes in her life, but she doesn't think these two fit into that category. They've given her more strength than she ever thought imaginable, and she owes every single success she's had with the disbanding of the gangs to them.</p><p>Her phone chimes with a new text. She checks it.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Pigeon [17:24] &gt;&gt; How are the lovebirds?</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Allura [17:25] &gt;&gt; As expected. Happy and in love.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>Pigeon [17:26] &gt;&gt; Good. I'm happy for them<br/>
Pigeon [17:26] &gt;&gt; You coming back soon? I miss you.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Despite herself, she smiles. She'd learned a lot from Keith and Lance, the most exciting being how to open her heart to love again.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Allura [17:27] &gt;&gt; Leaving now. See you soon.</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Allura spares one last glance at the house, and the two men outside of it.</p><p>Keith stands and walks to Lance. He plants himself against Lance's back, rubbing dirt and grime on Lance's skin. Lance turns and takes Keith into his arms properly, showering his face and neck with kisses that make them both giggle. Eventually, they stop laughing long enough to kiss properly.</p><p>They're so happy.</p><p>A large dog races across the yard and knocks them over just as Allura puts the car in drive. She spares one last glance at the smiling couple before she drives off, content.</p><p>In the waning sunlight, the lovers embrace, grateful for another day together.</p>
<h5>
  <em>You see, friends, the story was not about their death, but about how by choosing each other, they found the one thing they'd been missing… </em>
</h5>
<h5>
  <em>Freedom.</em>
</h5>
<h5>
  <em>They found their freedom in each other.</em>
</h5>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I CANNOT BELIEVE WE'VE MADE IT HERE, FAM. Wow. </p><p>I came up with this story back in December of 2019. Back then, this story was going to be just a small drabble using train metaphors and them in an abandoned warehouse. And, now, this is my longest fanfiction to date. I am. Astounded. Just absolutely ASTOUNDED, y'all. </p><p>This year has been long and hard. I ran a marketing department by myself while my boss was out on maternity leave, dealt with a global pandemic, health issues, a drop in my depression, a former teacher getting arrested, a job promotion, and a damn HURRICANE, y'all. There were so many times when I thought I would never finish this story, and yet, here we are. It kept me going, even when things were hard.</p><p>I could not have done this without my friends and betas, my mafia boys committee: <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOccasionalSquirrel/">Blue</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleapea/">Nat</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsLionheart">Stef</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/staymagical/">Mags</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/FormallyKnownAsFreya/pseuds/RangoAteMyBaby">Rango</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/wertdifferenz/">Lu</a>, and <a href="https://twitter.com/SandyWrites39">Sandy</a>. Whether it was giving me an extensive rundown of guns or leaving comments that made me smile or just letting me talk through ideas, I could not have finished this story without my peeps.</p><p>So, that being said, this isn't the last of me! I have a couple longer ideas up my sleeve that I'm excited to show you all. If you're interested in the music I listed to while writing this story, check out the <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2sBaRWL1ErFJPslkzElajZ">the playlist</a> for this story!</p><p>Lastly, thanks for reading! I could not have done this without YOU, the person reading this story. If you liked it, please comment, recommend it to your friends, give me a kudos, something to let me know you enjoyed it. Your notes fuel me. :D</p><p>Otherwise, stop by my online profiles and say hi!</p><p><a href="https://brunettereader.carrd.co/">CARRD</a>   |   <a href="https://www.instagram.com/brunette_reader20/">INSTAGRAM</a>   |   <a href="https://www.twitter.com/brunette_reader/">TWITTER</a></p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you want more writing from me, check out my Instagram, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/brunette_reader20/">@brunette_reader20</a>! I will be posting this story there first, so if you're desperate for it, you may want to head there.</p><p>You can find all of my online profiles <a href="https://brunettereader.carrd.co/">here</a>! Stop by and say hi!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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